I'm just me

I'm a veteran, but:

To the VA, I'm one of thousands upon thousands of veterans.

To the Army, I was a rank among many ranks, a MOS among over 200 MOSs.

To soldiers, I was their NCO, their soldier or their co-worker.  Some liked me, some didn't.

I'm not going to be someone who there are books written about.  

I'm not someone who was recognized for being awarded a high award.

I'm not someone who stuck out in a sea of uniforms.

I'm proud of my time in uniform.  I'm proud of the missions that I was apart of, the deployments, to have worked with a number of soldiers I have the utmost respect for. 

I'm a military spouse, but: 

To the Army, I'm another dependent.

To the volunteer side of things, I'm another volunteer among many.

To my fellow Army wives, I'm another of many they will cross in their time as a military spouse.  Some have liked me, some have not.

I'm not going to be someone recommended for Military Spouse of the Year.

I'm not someone who would be recognized in a crowd except by those who know me.

I'm proud of my time as a military spouse so far.  I'm proud of making it through the challenges that have been placed in front of me and in front of us as a family along the way.  I have met some of the most amazing spouses and made some wonderful friends.

I'm a wife who often feels like she doesn't get enough done...  who wishes there was more motivation to constantly be on top of the laundry and the cleaning and the dishes and having a dinner on the table every night that was healthy and tasty.  But, I have a husband who sees something very different and tells me on a regular basis. 

I'm a mother who often feels like I'm failing my boys... who wishes I was able to do more with them without pain, who sees other super creative and super motivated mothers and wish I had that in me.  A mother who didn't get so frustrated some times with boys simply being boys.  But, to my boys I'm someone who loves them unconditionally, who tries my hardest everyday to be creative, to be motivated, to find things they enjoy to do.

I'm just me, plain and simple.  I do my best to get up everyday and look forward.  I do my best to take the time I am given to make the most of it.  I simply try to do my best.  To many, that won't ever matter to them, but all I can hope is that to those who know me is that my best will matter to them.  

Someone to miss

Today is Valentine's Day, which I've found that those whose service members are deployed look at it much the same as someone who is single of that day.  They are beyond over the mushy, gushy expressions of love that are shown in so many shades of pink and red that it's not even worth counting.  But it's none the less another holiday.

I'm thankful to have my husband home this year, but like most years, it's a pretty normal day in our house.  As I was thinking of the holidays, birthdays, and other points of interest that he's been home for that he originally wasn't supposed to be home for, I started thinking of how the world is flipped sometimes.

Last year, he was home for Valentine's Day, but I watched from a distance as many friends celebrated alone because their soldier was deployed.  Next year when the spouses that are alone this year will have their soldier home another spouse will be spending theirs alone.  It's a constant cycle of swapping, for one soldier to be home, another will be away from there family.

It's really no different than the exciting time of a unit coming home, there are special outfits bought and homecoming signs made, a special night out planned, I could go on and on.  As one family is preparing to run into their soldiers arms, just a few weeks before another family was watching their soldier march with a formation out the door.

Back to my original thought process...  For many this is the first day of love that they are spending apart.  For others, missing holidays and other special days has become such a common thing that they have lost count of how many have been missed, but know that the number of missed is probably going to be higher than the number they are here for.

I remember back when as a single soldier, I went through those first round of missed special days.  My first Thanksgiving I missed was just two days into basic training.  My first missed birthday was spent hoping that no one caught on to it being my birthday because the drill sergeants seemed to get joy out of helping a soldier celebrate by smoking them until they threw up.

After our wedding, the first day we missed was my husband's birthday, just a couple months into being married, then the list grew from there.  As the missed events have increased and hit that balance where more are apart than together, we have learned a very important lesson.  In a population that has a very high divorce rate - it's not the holiday or the special event that's important, it's the fact that you have someone who is worth missing those days for.  Someone who is worth missing all the other days in between for.  Someone who is worth saying goodbye to because you know the hello will be so much sweeter.

A life known to few, but many

Those that wear this great countries uniform make up less than 1% of the general population.  Based on the average service member having parents, one sibling, a spouse and a child, that means that for every one of those 1%, there is five people that support that 1%.  That leaves at least 95% of the general population at this very moment that are not directly connected to the military at this very moment.  When you factor in veterans and military families from past conflicts, that number goes to maybe, MAYBE 80% that has never had military affiliation.  

Even now as we are some part of that smaller percentage, at one point in time we were part of that other 95% that didn't fully understand the reality of the military.  In 2006 when I was getting ready to deploy for the first time, I looked up to those soldiers who had been deployed before I had even initially enlisted.  When I got back in 2008, there was a whole new round of privates that looked to us as the seasoned veterans because we had been to the sandbox.  

When deployment came around again in 2009, those that were going into their first deployment looked to those who had been deployed before to tell them what to expect.  Those that had deployed before they had joined the Army.  

The same is true on the other side of the coin.  As the family of a service member, we are still a part of a very small minority of the general population.  A general population that will never understand what going through a deployment is like, but we have to take a moment and realize there was a point in time that we were a part of that general population as well.  Eight years ago, as my family was gearing up for my first deployment, there were families out there that would never be in that position, but there were also families that were heading into their second or third deployment.  

Those in the general population will never fully understand the military life.  They won't know what it's like to miss the birth of their first child or to miss birthday after birthday.  They won't know what it's like to have been married for a number of years and have spent over half of that apart.  Next week, my husband and I will have been married six years, of that, we have spent over half of it apart.  But that doesn't give us the right to look down on those who are missing their first round of holidays apart or to those who will never be in that position at all.  No different than those spouses who have done this for years before we were apart of this life can look down upon us.  Within that seasoned population, I think you will find a group of mature spouses, who have done this year in and year out.  They know how to make the best out of a less than perfect situation.  They do one simple thing, that's one of the hardest things to do, but it's done over and over again - they bloom where they are planted.  

No matter how you slice it or dice it - at least 80% of the general population will never walk in these boots or shoes or flip flips or whatever your footwear of choice is.  They are a population that will always be outside the snow globe we call military life and never really understand why we continue to live in a life that is always shook up and never lands quite the same.  But they will also never know the tears as our soldiers walk away or that first kiss that we have over and over again, the creative ways to celebrate those missed holidays or the ways we help our children get through the ups and downs.  Some of the strongest and bravest individuals I have ever met and I will ever know are those that I have stood next to in uniform, those that I now stand with in the silent ranks and those military brats who endure things in their short childhood that many outside the military won't experience in their whole life.  

There are always negatives that come with any path we choose.  There is never going to be a perfect life that doesn't have any problems, but we can choose to focus on what we are missing that others aren't or we can focus on the fact that we have someone so important in our life that they are worth missing.