Earlier this morning, I read something written by a young girl, it was about her hero.  Normally when you think of a child writing about a hero you expect to hear about Batman or Barbie or whatever sports star happens to be in their sport of choice...  This was quite different from that.  She is quite different than most children though, because she is what most would call an 'Army Brat'. 

I have learned something being around the military that I didn't know or understand prior to; although the soldier wears the uniform - the spouse and children also serve.  They stand in the silent ranks who say goodbye for their soldier to head off into training or combat and patiently wait for their return.

This 'Army Brat' wrote about her hero.  He doesn't wear a cape, he wears a uniform and in her eyes he is the greatest hero of all.  This is the reality for many military children, these 'brats' endure hardships that most people could not ever imagine.  When you marry a soldier, you have at least a partial understanding of what could come, but military kids never chose this lifestyle.  They pack up their toys and say goodbye to their friends every couple of years as they move from one post to another, sometimes to or from foreign countries, on a regular basis they are saying goodbye to their soldier parent, there are missed birthdays and plays, recognitions and sporting events. 

So yes, it's easy to say these kids are brats, because as you can see they are so spoiled...  These children sacrifice for our freedom, no different than their soldier parents and they do it with a sense of pride and without a complaint.  These brats have more courage at even just a few years old, than most people will ever have to show their whole life...

My Military Hero By Lillianna

'Who is a hero? Firefighters and police men (or women), and doctors but to me someone else is more special. Some people may think a superhero is a hero, but they aren’t real. My hero is courageous, helpful and caring. My hero is my dad, CW3 Trinidad Rodriguez Jr.

My Dad has lots of courage to go to war. Courage to me is being stron...g and having the ability to go to war without being scared. I think it also means to anywhere and fight for freedom. Every soldier must have courage because of what they do. That is why I think my Dad has courage.
My Dad is helpful to other people and his friends. He does things for others that help them not have a hard time. At work my Dad helps his friends when they have to go somewhere. Sometimes he helps me with difficult homework or just a project. I think my Dad is one of the most helpful people I know.
My Dad is a caring person. He takes care of us, but still does his work for the Army. Even though my Dad has lots of stuff to do he makes sure he has time for us too. He takes us to cool places and to the pool so we can swim. My Dad cares for us so much.

My hero will always be my Dad for what he does. My dad has the courage to fight for our country. He is always there for me and others. He’ll care for us no matter what. Now you know why I think my Dad is COURAGEOUS, HELPFUL, and CARING and my HERO.'  -

A great loss

There are things in life that just plain suck.... cancer is one of them.  In less than a week now, two amazing woman that I have had the pleasure of knowing have both lost their fight with cancer. 

Last night, Kathy, who was only 56 lost her fight with pancreatic cancer.  She had only been diagnosed in October and immediately started treatment.  About a month ago, the doctors determined that the cancer had spread and they were to a point where there was nothing more they could do.  Her family and friends stood by her side and encouraged her as hospice was brought in. 

She had her bed in the living room of their house so she could see outside.  As the days went on, her family maintained their hope and managed to keep everyone updated even with everything they were going through.  Every time I saw her husband, he looked a little more worn down than the last night and as I tried to put myself in his shoes - I couldn't even begin to imagine what he was going through. 

Yesterday after 14 days of not being able to eat, Kathy took her last breath.  To say she was an amazing woman would be an understatement.  Anytime there was a Riders event, you could find her on the back of the motorcycle with her husband - whether it was for a dinner get together or finding to honor a service member.  The fourth Sunday of the month, you could find her busy making scrambled eggs for the American Legion Ladies Auxiliary breakfasts.  She loved her kids and grandkids to no end and she loved her family and friends unconditionally.  It was very rare there wasn't a smile on her face and if you had the pleasure of sitting around her table for dinner, you would know she is one hell of a cook.  To say she will be missed is a horrible understatement, but with our pain finally comes her peace. 

The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.  Romans 8:16-17

Things that just kinda pull at the heart

The other night when I had picked my son up while I situated his pajamas in the crib to get him dressed.  I wasn't paying much attention what he was looking until he started making a little bit of noise and actively reaching towards something. 

I turned around to see what he was looking at and saw he was reaching for a picture of daddy.  I know he is at that age that he doesn't really understand what the sounds are, but the next thing that came out of his mouth was 'da,da,da,da,da'... 

This was the second time since my husband has been gone that he has done something that really just made me think about how much he may not understand the timeframe of how long daddy is gone, but that he acknowledges that daddy isn't here.

Common misconceptions

Earlier today I had a conversation about hiring veterans and it really made me think.  The individual I was speaking with doesn't have any military background and I don't think there was anything thought about making the comment that individuals worry about hiring veterans because of the possibility of PTSD. 

As the day went on, this bothered me more and more.  Not only was there a complete lack of understanding of what PTSD truly was, but there was also a misconception that all service members had PTSD and we are all just ticking time bombs waiting for the right thing to set us off.  There is also a lack of understanding on the fact that PTSD, although lately has been primarily associated with combat, is a direct result of anything traumatic.  This could include being sexually assaulted, being in a car accident, surviving a tornado or one of a thousand other possibilities.  But since many times those individuals don't necessarily fall in a publicized category like veterans do, the 'ticking time bomb' isn't a concern or even a label they receive.

It's been about 15 months since I received my PTSD 'diagnosis'.  Yes, I'm a veteran and yes, it is directly related to my deployments and some of the missions, and yes, I have days that are better than others and nights that are rough... but that doesn't change the fact that I'm a person who can still function as a person from day to day.  I was pretty private about my diagnosis at first, because I see the judgements that some people make and even further into that is the opinion that since I'm a female veteran that I wasn't in a capacity to have traumatic experiences.  But the fact remains that even though I wasn't in a combat job, that didn't prevent me from spending the good majority of my first deployment manning a machine gun or being MEDEVAC to service members and contractors (on an unarmed aircraft at that). 

I guess my point is that too many people allow the media to form their opinions for them.  Just because a service member does something horrible, does not automatically mean they have PTSD.... and on the opposite side of that, just because someone has PTSD does not mean they have a short fuse and are likely to lose it at any point.  Some people get irritated when they are asked questions like 'what it PTSD like?', etc...  personally, I would much rather individuals go to the source and try to become educated and understand than to continue on with the misconceptions that the media often provides.

9 years ago today

Nine years ago today - March 19, 2003, wasn't something at the time that seemed like a significant date to me.  I was working full-time at a bank, had just turned 21 and was going to school full-time.  Iraq was not a word that had much meaning to me at the time.  Like the majority of Americans, I could recall where I was on September 11, 2011 and I stood every time Old Glory passed in a parade.  My family had always been patriotic, so the somewhat temporary patriotism that passed for many people, had been a norm in our house for as long as I could remember. 

The same as it is for many Americans who enjoy our freedom so blindly, the service members who were crossing over into Iraq and putting their life on the line was something that seemed so much of a world away that besides on the news I was oblivious of.  That changed for me a little over a year later.  One of the guys that I worked with, who I had also attended high school with, was anxiously gearing up for his wedding and excited for his best man to be back from Iraq to help him get everything in line.  July 29, 2004 that all changed and so did my world.  He had been on break a little longer than normal and our section was starting to get busy, so as one of the team leads, I went looking for him.  I found him out on the fire escape crying - he looked at me and said 'he's gone'.  Knowing that I had known Joe as well and known he was deployed, I immediately knew who he was talking about.  Suddenly, that war that I had only heard about on the news became VERY real. 

Joe was the kind of guy that everyone knew and everyone loved.  He was the hometown football hero who had married his high school sweetheart, the kind of guy who would do anything for anyone.  Even though he had been injured twice before and had been given the option both times to stay back, he felt his place was with his men and he had redeployed.  He had only been back in country for a couple of days before he was killed by a sniper.  At only 21 years old, he was laid to rest - which required a ceremony at the football stadium as there was over 2000 in attendance. 

Shortly after that was when I first met with an Army recruiter.  It was like life had a whole new perspective and I decided to follow through on something that I had wanted to do right out of school and that was becoming a Blackhawk pilot.  Less than two months later, I enlisted and two days before Thanksgiving I left for basic training. 

Iraq now has a different meaning - it's not just a country in a 'far away land' that I have only heard about on the news...  I have been there and lived it, I have left it in my 'rear view mirror' twice, I have seen first hand what it has done to people and have had the extreme honor of providing the first leg home for seven fallen soldiers. 

Iraq is such a small word, that has such a huge meaning to those who it has been real for.

The big stuff

One thing I have found throughout my time in the military, is you end up with a HUGE extended family.  There are soldiers who become a part of your family, as they help surround your table to share your holidays and there are the other spouses who you work with on different projects.  Spouses you may not have known prior to an event, but in the course of just a short weekend of a very busy bizarre you chance to meet.  When one of these individuals starts suffering you ache too...

A little over a year ago, one of the ladies that I had the chance to work with in Germany moved back to the states.  At the time she was a little over halfway through her pregnancy with her sixth child.  Shortly after arriving back, she was diagnosed with leukemia.  She carried her son as long as she could, before the doctor decided to bring him into the world early so they could start treatment on his mommy.  From the time of her diagnosis, she maintained a positive outlook and maintained her enormous faith in the Lord.  She was one of those spouses that other spouses already looked up to, but she quickly became an inspiration for others.  As summer went on, she spent hours going through treatment and everything looked positive.

Recently though, her husband logged on to her Facebook to let her family and her HUGE extended military family know that she had caught pneumonia and is in a coma and on a ventilator.  I check back from time to time hoping to see some positive words, but what I continue to see is the thoughts and prayers of those who love her and care for her.  I know we are all aching and praying for this wonderful woman, her soldier husband and her children.... 

WWII heroes

Being involved with the American Legion means that often times you get to participate in unique situations, which means meeting individuals you would have never imagined.

Earlier today, a ride was scheduled to go out to a brand new American Legion post.  The post was actually going to be set up in a retirement community, which is the first time this has been in done in the state of Kansas and possibly in the USA.  Since it was a new post, some of the other posts went out there to present them with their official flags.

There was a very loud entrance made as the sound of over 40 motorcycles echoed off the walls of the buildings. After all the riders dismounted and headed to the flag pole, we were all taken back when we learned more about these veterans. There was a gentleman who had been aboard the USS Oklahoma at Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941 when it was attacked. He joked a little about how that was the day he learned how to swim.  He was a Marine aboard a Navy ship.

USS Oklahoma on December 7, 1941

One other gentleman had been present the day the peace treaty that ended WWII was signed aboard the USS Missouri.  He proudly held a certificate that bears his name that marked that experience in his life.

Another gentleman that was there was a POW in WWII.  He spoke briefly about where he was when he was in Germany, near a town called Worms.  I told him that I had recently moved back from Germany and knew exactly where he was talking about.  We spoke a little about the differences between then and now.  He also recalled two Russian soldiers who had been POWs at the same time he was that he had gotten to know a little.  His time being a POW changed his life in a different way as well, while he was a POW he found the Lord and to this day knows that his faith is what helped him make it through that experience.

Every servicemember is a hero, each with different backgrounds and experiences, different branches and jobs.  It's very rare though that you meet someone who can speak about history that many, including myself have only read about in books.  It was truly an amazing and humbling experience to meet these men, who are a piece of living history.

Communication

I've been an Army wife exclusively for a little over a year now, prior to that we were dual military.  But it wasn't until recently that we became parents.  We have been through more separations and time apart than I care to count on a daily basis - currently more than half of our four year marriage has been separated.  Throughout the previous separations, technology has had its part with being able to use a cell phone at times.  We have not ever used Skype as he was never in a place where he was able to access it, so that world is foreign to us.  Our primary form of communication was snail mail.  Each night I would sit down and write my husband at least a short letter that would let him know I missed him and loved him and maybe a little part of my day.  After a few days, I would drop a chunk of them in an envelope and drop them in the mail. 

Now with having a baby, we have had to adjust our methods of communicating.  A six-month-old doesn't understand that daddy is leaving, but he may not have an understanding of who daddy is when he gets back.  On the other side, children change so much in a short period of time and daddy is going to miss quite a bit.  Two days before he left this time, the first two teeth broke through, but you really couldn't see them... Our little man has also become more effective at rolling over and is starting to get the rocking bit going as he preps to crawl.  So for daddy's peice of mind, the night before he left he recorded a book for the little guy and we made sure there were pictures up where he could see them.  And for daddy, I made a little photo album before he left 'narrated' as if coming from little man and I have made a conscious effort to ensure I get a few pictures and/or video each day. 

I know that this is only a short separation, but trying to ensure that our little family stays one little happy family means making sure whether it is as short term or long term separation that everyone feels like they are involved.

Separations are part of being a military spouse...  But for the longest time I was used to rotating with my husband on being gone.  Now that I'm out of the military, the leaving is always one sided.  The first couple of weeks I was back from my second deployment to Iraq and my husband was in Afghanistan, I struggled with what to do with myself.  And the more I had free time, the crazier I felt myself going. 

Then I met some other Army wives whose husbands were deployed with my husband and they helped me learn how to make the best out of the separations.  At the time we were stationed in Germany, so our weekends were filled with trips to IKEA and the land of the big PX (Grafenwoehr), Polish pottery shopping or exploring other parts of Europe. 

Within a few weeks after getting back, I was enrolled in classes again and digging out my scrapbooking stuff.  I even picked up a crochet hook again and my husband ended up with an afghan, which came in handy a few times.  I read more books than I could count and took pictures that totaled more than 10,000.  I had ice cream and popcorn for dinner and spent all day in my pajamas from time to time. 

I quickly learned that you have two options when your soldier is gone - to dwell on his absence or take advantage of the time to focus on things you don't do while he is home because you tend to focus on stuff you can do together.  So in that roughly nine months we were separated (since I deployed with the same unit to start with, we weren't 'separated' the whole time - although we were at different sites during the time we were both deployed) - I took the time to travel, work on crafts, go to the gym, and basically just spend a little time doing some things that I often put off.

There were times that I felt guilty given where my husband was at the time, but then I had to take a step back and remind myself that he would want me to do these things and also that I had done my duty and that it had led me to where I currently was. 

So now, as I'm starting yet another separation - I have my 'to read' books ready to go, my 'workshop' is ready to start crafting and my camera batteries are well charged - let the 'making the most of the situation' begin!

Military spouses

A few weeks ago there was a post by a military spouse talking about how Guard spouses weren't really military spouses.  I didn't read the whole thing because it just irritated me. 

I know when I was in the military and you came across people who were from other branches there was joking that went back and forth with comments such as the 'chair force' instead of the Air Force, etc.  Although I tend to be partial to Active Duty Army Aviation Enlisted (that might be because my husband falls in this category and so did I when I was a soldier), there are unique aspects and challenges to each part of the military.

Active military has the challenges of moving on a regular basis and not ever really setting roots.  Additionally, outside of deployments there are often time more temporary duty assignments that send our service members somewhere.  At the same point in time, we often find ourselves immersed in a community of other military families who understand what a deployment truly means or know that shopping at the commissary on a Sunday isn't a good idea. 

Guard and Reserve families have a much different atmosphere.  They find themselves living in a community that is full of their friends and family members and support, but who most the time have no understanding of what they are going through.  Sympathy is something they receive most of the time versus the empathy active spouses receive. 

With this being said, anytime a service member is away - the military spouse - whether active or guard, Marines or Army, enlisted or officer all find themselves in a unique position.  They become both parents, maintain the household, answer the questions of when mommy or daddy is coming home, deal with the questions from those who don't fully understand - and most the times when you see them out in public you won't be able to see any difference between them and any other person you come across.  There is one huge difference though - although they don't wear a uniform, they are the support that allows the service member to wear their uniform and the person who keeps the home fires burning, they are some of the strongest individuals I have ever met and the ones who are there to pick you up when you have a bad day.  That being said - I don't care one bit whether you are a Navy spouse or a Air Force spouse, whether you are Guard or active - we stand in the same silent ranks who love and support our service members unconditionally.