This morning, I watched a video that a friend of mine had posted. It showed an older veteran who took his grandson and friend to watch a screening of some of the old war films from the WWII era. At the end of the video, a few soldiers walked into the back of the theatre.... slowly, each person stood to salute the current generation soldiers. By the time the video was over, my emotions were on high, tears were sliding down my cheeks, pride was welling up.
As I watched this, I thought back... a little over five years ago, as I was rushing through the Atlanta airport trying to catch my connecting flight an old man stopped me and extended his hand and shook mine. Then he proceeded to thank me for my service. I was on my way home on midtour from my first deployment and I was standing there in uniform not having a clue what to say. I noticed the hat the man was wearing 'WWII Veteran', not that I needed that to identify him as being a veteran. The words quickly came to and I promptly thanked him for his service too.
He stood there for a second and his eyes seemed to glass over for just a second and it became obvious time had moved backward very quickly for him in that moment. His eyes began to glisten and his face distorted a little, then he blinked and smiled. He reached his other hand up and patted me on the arm before telling me I better get moving if I was going to catch my flight. As he walked away, I wondered what glimpse had popped back in his mind. I guess I will never know what he saw that day, but as I began heading towards my gate something told me that maybe he just needed to hear those two simple words. The simple words that have evaded so many veterans for so many years because too many who have never needed to hear them don't know just how important they are.
Everytime I see a veteran wearing a hat that say 'Korea', 'WWII', 'Vietnam', etc Veteran, I always make an effort to go up and thank them for their service. Sure, by now - they have probably heard it at least once or twice, but it still makes my day to see the smile they get on their face, knowing that the younger generations may not have been around for their wars, but we still remember...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgYLr_LfhLo&sns=fb
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Memorial Day
As we are quickly approaching this Memorial Day weekend, I think of all those long weekends growing up. Often times we were camping and out enjoying the weekend, but I still grew up with an appreciation for the reason behind Memorial Day.
Neither one of my parents were in the military. My mom was born into an Air Force family, even though my grandfather retired before she was very old and my dad was drafted after high school, but was turned away due to medical issues. But red, white and blue has always ran through their blood. This was passed on to my sister and I.
At every parade we have ever been to we stood when the American flag went by, our hand are always over our heart when the National Anthem is played. The flag pole in front of my parents house has handprints from when my sister and I were very young and unless there is bad weather you can count on the flag flying.
This pride and patriotism isn't something that was brought on by 9/11 or anything besides just simply pride in being an American. To my parents, that pride doesn't just include flying a flag or wearing red on Friday - a large part of it is honoring those who have served and remembering those fallen.... those who gave the ultimate sacrifice, whether in these wars or those wars from days past.
I've always believed very strongly in the quote from Calvin Coolidge, "The nation which forgets its defenders will be itself forgotten". Please remember his words as you prepare to head out for the weekend or to a cookout, that this isn't a day to be taken lightly. It's a day that honors those who sacrified, a day that many take with a grain of salt, while the loved ones of those servicemembers bear the weight.
Neither one of my parents were in the military. My mom was born into an Air Force family, even though my grandfather retired before she was very old and my dad was drafted after high school, but was turned away due to medical issues. But red, white and blue has always ran through their blood. This was passed on to my sister and I.
At every parade we have ever been to we stood when the American flag went by, our hand are always over our heart when the National Anthem is played. The flag pole in front of my parents house has handprints from when my sister and I were very young and unless there is bad weather you can count on the flag flying.
This pride and patriotism isn't something that was brought on by 9/11 or anything besides just simply pride in being an American. To my parents, that pride doesn't just include flying a flag or wearing red on Friday - a large part of it is honoring those who have served and remembering those fallen.... those who gave the ultimate sacrifice, whether in these wars or those wars from days past.
I've always believed very strongly in the quote from Calvin Coolidge, "The nation which forgets its defenders will be itself forgotten". Please remember his words as you prepare to head out for the weekend or to a cookout, that this isn't a day to be taken lightly. It's a day that honors those who sacrified, a day that many take with a grain of salt, while the loved ones of those servicemembers bear the weight.
This bracelet is one that I proudly wear in honor and memory of these three wonderful soldiers.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
That list...
Before I was retired out of the Army, I had this running list of things I would do when I got out. It's been almost a year and a half and I don't think there is one thing on that list that I have done.
My fingernails have still never been painted.
I still carry a knife with me most of the time.
My hair is still within regulation hair color.
It's a rare day that my hair is down.
I almost always still carry a notebook.
I rarely wear jewelry besides my wedding ring.
I still stock up on personal hygiene stuff in prep for the next time we have to leave.
It's still called personal hygiene.
My shower consists of less than ten minutes (and that's if I have to shave).
The Soldiers Creed and NCO Creed can both still be recited word for word.
Acronyms seem to be getting more abundant rather than less.
I have to stop myself from giving my social versus my husband's.
Most days I still wake up at O'dark thirty.
Light on the right is still one of my commonly used terms.
When I see a soldier whose uniform is messed up, I still want to say something... and female soldiers who can't figure out how to fix their hair within regs is still one of my biggest pet peeves.
One of these days I'm sure some of these things will finally change, but for now it's just a part of who I am.
My fingernails have still never been painted.
I still carry a knife with me most of the time.
My hair is still within regulation hair color.
It's a rare day that my hair is down.
I almost always still carry a notebook.
I rarely wear jewelry besides my wedding ring.
I still stock up on personal hygiene stuff in prep for the next time we have to leave.
It's still called personal hygiene.
My shower consists of less than ten minutes (and that's if I have to shave).
The Soldiers Creed and NCO Creed can both still be recited word for word.
Acronyms seem to be getting more abundant rather than less.
I have to stop myself from giving my social versus my husband's.
Most days I still wake up at O'dark thirty.
Light on the right is still one of my commonly used terms.
When I see a soldier whose uniform is messed up, I still want to say something... and female soldiers who can't figure out how to fix their hair within regs is still one of my biggest pet peeves.
One of these days I'm sure some of these things will finally change, but for now it's just a part of who I am.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Quick reaction force
In order to facilitate the occasional emergency mission within an air assault unit, there is a quick reaction team. During the first deployment, when you were on this crew - it was normally a day to find something to do because normally you weren't going anywhere.
One of those rare occasions came and we were launched. A humvee had hit something that had caused it to rollover upside down into a ravine. The soldiers that were in the humvee were trapped there, so time wasn't on our side. We launched having to go to another FOB to pick up a dive team before we headed to the actual rollover site.
When we were picking up the dive team, they seemed to be in no big hurry. We were all getting a little impatient given the circumstances. As they brought their gear out onto the flight line, they left it sitting in a big pile a little ways away from the aircraft and loaded up on the aircraft. When we asked them about it, we basically got 'loading that is your job'... we promptly corrected them and they took their time getting back out of the aircraft as we worked on loading it.
We finally took off out of there and headed to the location, which happened to be right next to a little village, so everyone was on the defense. As the crew chiefs helped guide the pilots into land, straw started flying around everywhere. We tried to maintain visual of both the ground and the village, but the straw was creating a nice block.
After we landed, we started downloading the equipment... then the dive team stopped us and told us they weren't sure they were going to stay. I relayed the message to the pilots who were as in much disbelief as I was. The majority of the dive team went and sat down on the embankment that led up to the ravine and waited for orders from their team leader. Finally, the pilots told me to go tell the dive team we were unloading their stuff. Two blackhawks sitting on the ground were setting ourselves up as giant targets.
The equipment was unloaded and the shortly after the dive team started gearing up to start their dives. We took off and headed back to Taji to await word for pickup.
One of those rare occasions came and we were launched. A humvee had hit something that had caused it to rollover upside down into a ravine. The soldiers that were in the humvee were trapped there, so time wasn't on our side. We launched having to go to another FOB to pick up a dive team before we headed to the actual rollover site.
When we were picking up the dive team, they seemed to be in no big hurry. We were all getting a little impatient given the circumstances. As they brought their gear out onto the flight line, they left it sitting in a big pile a little ways away from the aircraft and loaded up on the aircraft. When we asked them about it, we basically got 'loading that is your job'... we promptly corrected them and they took their time getting back out of the aircraft as we worked on loading it.
We finally took off out of there and headed to the location, which happened to be right next to a little village, so everyone was on the defense. As the crew chiefs helped guide the pilots into land, straw started flying around everywhere. We tried to maintain visual of both the ground and the village, but the straw was creating a nice block.
After we landed, we started downloading the equipment... then the dive team stopped us and told us they weren't sure they were going to stay. I relayed the message to the pilots who were as in much disbelief as I was. The majority of the dive team went and sat down on the embankment that led up to the ravine and waited for orders from their team leader. Finally, the pilots told me to go tell the dive team we were unloading their stuff. Two blackhawks sitting on the ground were setting ourselves up as giant targets.
The equipment was unloaded and the shortly after the dive team started gearing up to start their dives. We took off and headed back to Taji to await word for pickup.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Surviving deployment, but not home
Fifteen months - way to long to be in Iraq for a deployment, but like most we survived it. In OIF 06-08, our battalion made it through the whole 15 months without any deaths. We had some injuries, but everyone had made it. We were the only battalion in the brigade to have not sustained any casualties. That was including one aircraft being shot down....
Upon returning from deployment, we had a four day pass before heading back into work for a couple of days to do all of our post-deployment processing and health screens. Then it was time for leave. Since our shift from a 12 month to a 15 month deployment happened about halfway through, many of us had already been on our midtour, so this some's first leave in anywhere from nine to twelve months. Everyone left with the determination of making the most of it.
We didn't last the first weekend. Unfortunately, like most units that have returned from deployment, we lost a soldier that first weekend. This is a truth that has repeated itself all too many times in the last decade, as soldiers either return from deployment and are doing things to try to match the optempo from when they were deployed or the adrenaline rushes they were often in the middle of or just simply the type of accident that you see from time to time for whatever reason. Either way, this ends up being extremely dangerous and often ends up with injuries or worse.
The soldier we lost that weekend had been one of the door gunners. Since most of the gunners were attached to the unit shortly before deployment, throughout the deployment was when they got to know everyone... this were the guys we sat around with and BS'd about things back home or what we wanted to do when we got back. You learned about their spouse and kids, where they were from. Then as you are all sitting in Kuwait waiting for your flight to come down the list, you think you are done, you celebrate the fact that we are returning home.
This soldier was killed in a car accident the day after leave started, his family was in the car with him when it happened.... they are survived but had injuries. It wasn't until about a week later that I heard about the crash and the loss. It took me back to those days sitting in the crew chief office in Iraq and all the dumb stuff you sit there talking about or the occasional times that things would get serious when the rare emotion would be shown. To make it through a deployment and then lose their life upon returning home...
Upon returning from deployment, we had a four day pass before heading back into work for a couple of days to do all of our post-deployment processing and health screens. Then it was time for leave. Since our shift from a 12 month to a 15 month deployment happened about halfway through, many of us had already been on our midtour, so this some's first leave in anywhere from nine to twelve months. Everyone left with the determination of making the most of it.
We didn't last the first weekend. Unfortunately, like most units that have returned from deployment, we lost a soldier that first weekend. This is a truth that has repeated itself all too many times in the last decade, as soldiers either return from deployment and are doing things to try to match the optempo from when they were deployed or the adrenaline rushes they were often in the middle of or just simply the type of accident that you see from time to time for whatever reason. Either way, this ends up being extremely dangerous and often ends up with injuries or worse.
The soldier we lost that weekend had been one of the door gunners. Since most of the gunners were attached to the unit shortly before deployment, throughout the deployment was when they got to know everyone... this were the guys we sat around with and BS'd about things back home or what we wanted to do when we got back. You learned about their spouse and kids, where they were from. Then as you are all sitting in Kuwait waiting for your flight to come down the list, you think you are done, you celebrate the fact that we are returning home.
This soldier was killed in a car accident the day after leave started, his family was in the car with him when it happened.... they are survived but had injuries. It wasn't until about a week later that I heard about the crash and the loss. It took me back to those days sitting in the crew chief office in Iraq and all the dumb stuff you sit there talking about or the occasional times that things would get serious when the rare emotion would be shown. To make it through a deployment and then lose their life upon returning home...
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
the second day
The second day of DUSTWUN missions was quite different than the first. I was on night shift this time and we were now a couple weeks into the search, so they had refined a little more of where they were searching. One of the soldiers had since been accounted for, he hadn't survived the initial attack, but they had still proceeded with throwing his body in the river after they had decapitated him.
During one of the raids in the last couple of days, they had found a video that had been recorded by those that had ambushed the soldiers, they had planned on using it for propaganda based on the person who had it when they found it. Since we didn't have many missions scheduled, one of the individuals there asked us if seeing the video would give us an idea of what we were up against. We all debated on whether it was something we needed to see and eventually we sat down to watch it. I stayed in the room for a few minutes before the anger hit and I stepped out. Within a few minutes the rest of the crews had walked out as well. We already knew the reason for our mission there and had been doing everything we could to help them find these soldiers, we hadn't needed to see the video to validate that.
Throughout the night we ended up having two missions - one was a leaflet drop over one of the areas that they suspected they may have had the other two soldiers. In Arabic, they stated that anyone who had information pertaining to the soldiers or anyone who had anything to do with the attack to please come forward and they would be rewarded for doing so (helping Americans often meant their families were attacked in retaliation).
The second mission was another one that added emotion to the night.... The officer in charge of us from the unit there asked if we minded taking on a mission that didn't have anything to do with the DUSTWUN operations. It was already time for us to head back and we were pushing being out of legal flying duty day, but when he told us what the mission was for we all quickly agreed. The day prior a soldier within their division had been killed in action and the hero mission to start his trip home had already taken place. His wife was also a soldier and was located at a FOB on the other side of Baghdad. The initial processing of her husband had taken place and it was time for her to join him to escort him home.
When we picked her up, she seemed calm for the most part, but you could tell that she had been crying. I helped her get into the aircraft and secured. I don't know if it was the fact that she was joining back up with her husband or all the other possible scenarios that she could be dealing with at that moment, but as we were taking off I could see that she was starting to cry again. Within a few minutes, she was crying so loud that you could hear her above the sound of the helicopter. My heart was breaking for her and the journey she was getting ready to begin without her husband. After we took her to where she was supposed to be dropped off, we were all quiet - not understanding what she was going through but feeling a pain that we had never felt before. This was the only mission like this our battalion conducted during the deployment, but it was one that came back to me when I married another soldier. I think of her often and the fact that she didn't have the support of other spouses around her when she needed someone to understand her, there was no care team waiting for the notification to be made so they could step in to take care of her. There was just a helicopter crew who didn't know her, nor could they understand what she was going through - there was no meals to comfort her or words that could be said. We were trained to deal with many aspects of war, but how to help a widow wasn't something that we knew anything about...
During one of the raids in the last couple of days, they had found a video that had been recorded by those that had ambushed the soldiers, they had planned on using it for propaganda based on the person who had it when they found it. Since we didn't have many missions scheduled, one of the individuals there asked us if seeing the video would give us an idea of what we were up against. We all debated on whether it was something we needed to see and eventually we sat down to watch it. I stayed in the room for a few minutes before the anger hit and I stepped out. Within a few minutes the rest of the crews had walked out as well. We already knew the reason for our mission there and had been doing everything we could to help them find these soldiers, we hadn't needed to see the video to validate that.
Throughout the night we ended up having two missions - one was a leaflet drop over one of the areas that they suspected they may have had the other two soldiers. In Arabic, they stated that anyone who had information pertaining to the soldiers or anyone who had anything to do with the attack to please come forward and they would be rewarded for doing so (helping Americans often meant their families were attacked in retaliation).
The second mission was another one that added emotion to the night.... The officer in charge of us from the unit there asked if we minded taking on a mission that didn't have anything to do with the DUSTWUN operations. It was already time for us to head back and we were pushing being out of legal flying duty day, but when he told us what the mission was for we all quickly agreed. The day prior a soldier within their division had been killed in action and the hero mission to start his trip home had already taken place. His wife was also a soldier and was located at a FOB on the other side of Baghdad. The initial processing of her husband had taken place and it was time for her to join him to escort him home.
When we picked her up, she seemed calm for the most part, but you could tell that she had been crying. I helped her get into the aircraft and secured. I don't know if it was the fact that she was joining back up with her husband or all the other possible scenarios that she could be dealing with at that moment, but as we were taking off I could see that she was starting to cry again. Within a few minutes, she was crying so loud that you could hear her above the sound of the helicopter. My heart was breaking for her and the journey she was getting ready to begin without her husband. After we took her to where she was supposed to be dropped off, we were all quiet - not understanding what she was going through but feeling a pain that we had never felt before. This was the only mission like this our battalion conducted during the deployment, but it was one that came back to me when I married another soldier. I think of her often and the fact that she didn't have the support of other spouses around her when she needed someone to understand her, there was no care team waiting for the notification to be made so they could step in to take care of her. There was just a helicopter crew who didn't know her, nor could they understand what she was going through - there was no meals to comfort her or words that could be said. We were trained to deal with many aspects of war, but how to help a widow wasn't something that we knew anything about...
Monday, May 14, 2012
DUSTWUN
DUSTWUN is one of those acronyms that I had heard before, but just at five years ago I was one of many soldiers that became involved in the actual search mission for four soldiers in this status. DUSTWUN or duty status whereabouts unknown is the classification a soldier is placed before they officially become Missing in Action (MIA).
The unit these soldiers were assigned to didn't have an aviation element so for a couple of weeks before a unit became co-located with them our crews were on 24 hour support for anything this unit needed. Due to the nature of the mission, we were split in 12 hour shifts and were authorized to fly that whole time, which took the authorization of a general. Bottom line, they wanted these soldiers home.
These soldiers had been providing overwatch due to some suspicious activity, but later it was determined that the 'suspicious activity' was a ploy to get a unit out to that location where the enemy could ambush them, which is exactly what ended up happening. One of the soldiers was found shortly after and his body had been set up to conceal a bomb. They search for the other three soldiers continued on.
I was on the DUSTWUN mission twice during those first few weeks. One day shift and one night shift. As with any military mission, everything is always subject to change. We were doing some standard personnel movements during the day shift, as we were coming in to drop off some of the passengers, over the radio we received word that there were new orders and we needed to drop all pax (passengers) upon landing and we would be further briefed at that time. One of the senior officers for the battalion there came out and took over my ICS (the intercom system for the crew to speak to one another) while I worked on unloading our current passengers and helping what appeared to be a group of infantry soldiers get loaded and secured.
I hooked back up to the ICS and was filled in on what was going on. We were doing a daytime air assault (which is extremely rare due to the threat). There was a local sitting in the seat next to my crew seat and they informed me that this guy has been able to identify the three missing soldiers, which to this point names and pictures had not been put out for security reasons. He had told the individuals interrogating him that he had buried these soldiers at a certain grid coordinate and that's where we were heading. As we were flying out there, my anger started spiking... I didn't care what this guys role was in the situation, but as far as I was concerned he had blood on his hands!
As we landed out at the location this guy had identified, I noticed some trucks pulling up in the distance. We were out in the middle of nowhere and there was just a few small buildings. Where these trucks had pulled up was out in the middle of the desert, so something was off. As we were taking off, I looked again and noticed that there were at least five guys that had unloaded from these trucks and they were uncovering something in the bed of their truck... something wasn't right. I said something to our pilots and we flew over them again hoping to scare them off, but they didn't budge. At that point in time I realized what they were uncovering - weapons. These soldiers had been lead into an ambush, but this time they had support. Two Apaches were inbound, less than two minutes out. So we remained on scene and I had my 240 on target and ready to fire if given the order.
The apaches arrived as we kept watch and our pilot made the call to let the gun ships take over, so we headed back to base. As we were flying away, through the radio traffic we could hear that the pilots of the gun ships had confirmed what I had seen and shortly after that you could see that they had ended this attempted attack.
Nothing was found out at that location by the soldiers, it was simply another attempt to attack soldiers. Needless to say, the local they had taken out there remained in captivity.
The unit these soldiers were assigned to didn't have an aviation element so for a couple of weeks before a unit became co-located with them our crews were on 24 hour support for anything this unit needed. Due to the nature of the mission, we were split in 12 hour shifts and were authorized to fly that whole time, which took the authorization of a general. Bottom line, they wanted these soldiers home.
These soldiers had been providing overwatch due to some suspicious activity, but later it was determined that the 'suspicious activity' was a ploy to get a unit out to that location where the enemy could ambush them, which is exactly what ended up happening. One of the soldiers was found shortly after and his body had been set up to conceal a bomb. They search for the other three soldiers continued on.
I was on the DUSTWUN mission twice during those first few weeks. One day shift and one night shift. As with any military mission, everything is always subject to change. We were doing some standard personnel movements during the day shift, as we were coming in to drop off some of the passengers, over the radio we received word that there were new orders and we needed to drop all pax (passengers) upon landing and we would be further briefed at that time. One of the senior officers for the battalion there came out and took over my ICS (the intercom system for the crew to speak to one another) while I worked on unloading our current passengers and helping what appeared to be a group of infantry soldiers get loaded and secured.
I hooked back up to the ICS and was filled in on what was going on. We were doing a daytime air assault (which is extremely rare due to the threat). There was a local sitting in the seat next to my crew seat and they informed me that this guy has been able to identify the three missing soldiers, which to this point names and pictures had not been put out for security reasons. He had told the individuals interrogating him that he had buried these soldiers at a certain grid coordinate and that's where we were heading. As we were flying out there, my anger started spiking... I didn't care what this guys role was in the situation, but as far as I was concerned he had blood on his hands!
As we landed out at the location this guy had identified, I noticed some trucks pulling up in the distance. We were out in the middle of nowhere and there was just a few small buildings. Where these trucks had pulled up was out in the middle of the desert, so something was off. As we were taking off, I looked again and noticed that there were at least five guys that had unloaded from these trucks and they were uncovering something in the bed of their truck... something wasn't right. I said something to our pilots and we flew over them again hoping to scare them off, but they didn't budge. At that point in time I realized what they were uncovering - weapons. These soldiers had been lead into an ambush, but this time they had support. Two Apaches were inbound, less than two minutes out. So we remained on scene and I had my 240 on target and ready to fire if given the order.
The apaches arrived as we kept watch and our pilot made the call to let the gun ships take over, so we headed back to base. As we were flying away, through the radio traffic we could hear that the pilots of the gun ships had confirmed what I had seen and shortly after that you could see that they had ended this attempted attack.
Nothing was found out at that location by the soldiers, it was simply another attempt to attack soldiers. Needless to say, the local they had taken out there remained in captivity.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mother's Day
Mother's Day has been a day that I have honored my mom for the last thirty years, this year is a little different for me though. This is my first Mother's day as a mommy myself. Yesterday our son hit the eighth month mark. I know other moms will understand the thoughts of 'where did the time go?!?'. Every day is like watching a new adventure and exploration.
It seems like it has been no time at all since he was born and needed help with everything. In the past few months he has become more mobile between rolling, scooting, crawling and walking with assistance. He has had his first official baby sitter and now has his first bruise to show off. I was so upset when he tipped over and bumped his head, but I held him while he cried about it and tried not to let him see my tears.
I know we have just begun this journey and there will be many more bumps and bruises and I can already hear myself saying the words 'this hurts me more than it hurts you'. I remember when I used to hear that growing up and all I could think was 'really?!? and how is that?' but I now understand what those words meant. There are challenges that we have come across already that I couldn't have come close to imagining before I was a mom and I know there will be so many more to come.
In this short period of time, I have seen a glimpse into the last 30 years for my mom. I think every mom wonders if they did things right or hopes they don't 'mess their child up' and from conversations I have had with me mom - those are thoughts that never go away. I think we will all make mistakes in our lives and how we may handle a situation from time to time, but that's part of what makes us humans. This gives me some comfort in going forward as a mommy and I hope I'm able to follow in my mom's footsteps and become a wonderful mother to my son as she has been to me.
Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you!!
It seems like it has been no time at all since he was born and needed help with everything. In the past few months he has become more mobile between rolling, scooting, crawling and walking with assistance. He has had his first official baby sitter and now has his first bruise to show off. I was so upset when he tipped over and bumped his head, but I held him while he cried about it and tried not to let him see my tears.
I know we have just begun this journey and there will be many more bumps and bruises and I can already hear myself saying the words 'this hurts me more than it hurts you'. I remember when I used to hear that growing up and all I could think was 'really?!? and how is that?' but I now understand what those words meant. There are challenges that we have come across already that I couldn't have come close to imagining before I was a mom and I know there will be so many more to come.
In this short period of time, I have seen a glimpse into the last 30 years for my mom. I think every mom wonders if they did things right or hopes they don't 'mess their child up' and from conversations I have had with me mom - those are thoughts that never go away. I think we will all make mistakes in our lives and how we may handle a situation from time to time, but that's part of what makes us humans. This gives me some comfort in going forward as a mommy and I hope I'm able to follow in my mom's footsteps and become a wonderful mother to my son as she has been to me.
Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you!!
Friday, May 11, 2012
Military Spouse Appreciation Day
What is a military spouse? Although it seems like a term that we all hear on a regular basis and don't seem to think much of - this term is much like the term mom. It is used on a regular basis and most of the time it tends to be thrown around without really thinking about all that is wrapped up in that one small term.
A military spouse may be a parent and on many days they are both parents, they encompass all the terms that already come with being a parent. They are resilient and strong. They have become professional movers and administrative assistants. They are financial planners and keep track of their soldiers LES, which I've learned that most married soldiers don't know how to get into anymore. They deal with the bad and celebrate the good. They help with unit fundraisers and change their own oil. They mow their yard and shovel snow. They go to school and volunteer. Often times they work on top of everything else. They are a listening ear when their soldier needs to vent. They know the regulations, many times better than their soldier.
They are there when those in dress uniform make the slow walk to their front door. They are there to support those spouses as they deal with the grief. They maintain the homefires, they stand besides their wounded warrior.
They wear no uniform, but to think they don't serve would be inaccurate beyond words. For they serve by standing proudly with their soldier when they are here and supporting them from afar when they are away. They serve by helping their wounded warrior learn how to walk again and by the tears that soak into the flag that drapes their soldiers casket.
These spouses seem to get overshadowed by their soldier in uniform from time to time, but they don't complain because they are proud of their soldier and they are proud to serve their country in the silent ranks....
Today as Military Spouse Appreciation Day is celebrated and every other day, these spouses and their sacrifice needs to be remembered!
A military spouse may be a parent and on many days they are both parents, they encompass all the terms that already come with being a parent. They are resilient and strong. They have become professional movers and administrative assistants. They are financial planners and keep track of their soldiers LES, which I've learned that most married soldiers don't know how to get into anymore. They deal with the bad and celebrate the good. They help with unit fundraisers and change their own oil. They mow their yard and shovel snow. They go to school and volunteer. Often times they work on top of everything else. They are a listening ear when their soldier needs to vent. They know the regulations, many times better than their soldier.
They are there when those in dress uniform make the slow walk to their front door. They are there to support those spouses as they deal with the grief. They maintain the homefires, they stand besides their wounded warrior.
They wear no uniform, but to think they don't serve would be inaccurate beyond words. For they serve by standing proudly with their soldier when they are here and supporting them from afar when they are away. They serve by helping their wounded warrior learn how to walk again and by the tears that soak into the flag that drapes their soldiers casket.
These spouses seem to get overshadowed by their soldier in uniform from time to time, but they don't complain because they are proud of their soldier and they are proud to serve their country in the silent ranks....
Today as Military Spouse Appreciation Day is celebrated and every other day, these spouses and their sacrifice needs to be remembered!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Transitions
Dual military is a term that is becoming more popular among
service members anymore. My husband and
I fell in that category for a large part of our four year marriage. Right before my husband came back from his
last deployment, I received an upgrade to my permanent profile that would later
mean the end of my Army career. As I
neared my separation date, I wasn’t really sure what to expect. Since my husband was still active, we stayed
at our current duty station until six months after my separation.
During that time I struggled. Being dual military and at the time we didn’t have kids, our whole world revolved around the Army and being soldiers. I would run into former soldiers who had been moved to other units prior to my retirement process and they would still call me SSG King and each time I would smile and tell them it’s just Mindy now… But inside, I missed it. I missed flying, I missed wearing a uniform, I missed going to work every day (at the time we were stationed in Germany and jobs were very hard to come by, especially when they knew your spouse was already on orders to PCS).
During that time I struggled. Being dual military and at the time we didn’t have kids, our whole world revolved around the Army and being soldiers. I would run into former soldiers who had been moved to other units prior to my retirement process and they would still call me SSG King and each time I would smile and tell them it’s just Mindy now… But inside, I missed it. I missed flying, I missed wearing a uniform, I missed going to work every day (at the time we were stationed in Germany and jobs were very hard to come by, especially when they knew your spouse was already on orders to PCS).
Over that six months while we were pending our move back to
the states, I kept getting bigger and bigger.
It was a good kind of bigger though.
Shortly after I was retired, we found out that we were expecting our
first child. The emotions that came with
being pregnant and missing this former self of mine became overwhelming at
times. During that period, I was also
diagnosed with combat related PTSD.
I felt like I was in a downward spiral, but then I realized
something. I wasn’t done helping
soldiers. I may no longer wear the
uniform, I will never deploy again, but there were other things I could
do. Over the last fifteen months,
besides welcome the most amazing little boy into the world, I have put in
hundreds of hours of volunteer time – from helping with the thrift shop on post
to working food booths at bizarres and payday cafes. I’m an active volunteer with the National Military
Family Association and within a few weeks of our arrival at Fort Riley, I
became my husband’s units FRG co-leader.
I have found other ways to serve, by helping soldiers and their
families…
I now stand among the silent ranks… I wear a uniform, but now it consists of a
company logo tshirt instead of camo. I
serve standing beside my husband as he proudly wears the official uniform. Looking back, I know my struggle was with my
identity and a lot of it had to do with pride and there are days that I still
miss serving, but looking at what I have been able to do since then, I wouldn’t
change a thing.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Invisible wounds
What is an invisible wound? It is something that affects your life, whether minor or drastically, where the injury or 'wound' can't be seen. This could be anything from PTSD to a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) to an internal injury that you may not be able to see by just looking at the person.
I have struggled with these invisible wounds for a while. I was medically retired from the Army with a 40% disability, the VA later bumped that up to a 70% disability, but yet when people look at me they don't see anything wrong. This confuses people and I think sometimes there are thoughts that I played the female card or something to get to that rating. I have invisible wounds....
What most people don't see is the daily challenges. I don't like complaining about them or even really saying things most times, because I didn't lose any limbs or have extreme PTSD and I made it back alive. But I struggle, some days more than others. Most of this is only seen within the walls of our home, as when I am out I try to present things as if everything is okay.
Friday after having a set of eight injections done on my back, I received a text from a good friend of mine and she was asking me some questions about it. She told me that they she never realized how bad things really were, how much pain there was and how little treatment there was available for most of it.
That's the thing about invisible wounds, people almost need to be able to see an injury to validate that something is there. I have a back injury that prevents me from doing a lot of things that I really enjoy doing. In the next couple of months I will have different procedures done on it to try to help with some of the pain. The post effects from the TBI causes almost daily migraines, vision loss, memory and speech problems. And the PTSD, although minor, causes angry outbursts, lack of sleep, very little patience, etc, etc... It seems like every appointment to the doctor is another upgrade in the type of prescriptions to make everything level out.
But everyday I wake up, I'm thankful for what I have and for a family that is supportive and for a husband who knows exactly what meds are for what and who keeps a watchful eye over me. He doesn't fire back when I have an outburst and he keeps me from lifting things I shouldn't. I still feel like I have something to prove when it comes to being able to do things, but I have to take a step back and realize that I don't...
Not all wounds are visible and just because they are not visible doesn't mean they haven't forever changed the course of an individuals life.
I have struggled with these invisible wounds for a while. I was medically retired from the Army with a 40% disability, the VA later bumped that up to a 70% disability, but yet when people look at me they don't see anything wrong. This confuses people and I think sometimes there are thoughts that I played the female card or something to get to that rating. I have invisible wounds....
What most people don't see is the daily challenges. I don't like complaining about them or even really saying things most times, because I didn't lose any limbs or have extreme PTSD and I made it back alive. But I struggle, some days more than others. Most of this is only seen within the walls of our home, as when I am out I try to present things as if everything is okay.
Friday after having a set of eight injections done on my back, I received a text from a good friend of mine and she was asking me some questions about it. She told me that they she never realized how bad things really were, how much pain there was and how little treatment there was available for most of it.
That's the thing about invisible wounds, people almost need to be able to see an injury to validate that something is there. I have a back injury that prevents me from doing a lot of things that I really enjoy doing. In the next couple of months I will have different procedures done on it to try to help with some of the pain. The post effects from the TBI causes almost daily migraines, vision loss, memory and speech problems. And the PTSD, although minor, causes angry outbursts, lack of sleep, very little patience, etc, etc... It seems like every appointment to the doctor is another upgrade in the type of prescriptions to make everything level out.
But everyday I wake up, I'm thankful for what I have and for a family that is supportive and for a husband who knows exactly what meds are for what and who keeps a watchful eye over me. He doesn't fire back when I have an outburst and he keeps me from lifting things I shouldn't. I still feel like I have something to prove when it comes to being able to do things, but I have to take a step back and realize that I don't...
Not all wounds are visible and just because they are not visible doesn't mean they haven't forever changed the course of an individuals life.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Life doesn't always go how you plan, but there is always a plan in where you go.
From time to time, I am asked whether I miss being a soldier or not. I miss being a soldier more than I can say. In my time as a soldier, I did things that I never had thought I would be doing - from deploying to Iraq, flying on Blackhawks, manning a machine gun and the list goes on and on. I also grew in ways that I couldn't have imagined - anything from becoming a combat veteran to taking finishing my Bachelor's degree.
I came into the Army a little later than the average entry age. I was 22 when I joined and 'celebrated' my 23 birthday on our first FTX in basic training. I had other jobs prior to the military, I had worked at a bank and two different bowling alleys for a number of years prior to joining. My life didn't change in the typical way it does for most that join the military, I wasn't straight out of high school, this wasn't my first time living away from home. But that doesn't mean the Army wasn't a complete change for me. Life as I had known it no longer existed. Daily PT (Physical Training) sessions became a way of life, I knew how to expertly iron my uniform and polish my boots, how to read a compass, throw a grenade and fire a weapon.
When something changes your life this drastically, it changes your path in life. Now don't get me wrong, there are some things I don't miss, such as the early morning PT session when it's below freezing out - for that matter, I don't miss PT in general at all. I don't miss some of the individuals that have no business leading soldier, but by education or time in grade/time in service they found themselves in those positions. And I do not miss police call, I guarantee I picked up more than my weight in cigarette butts throughout my time in uniform.
I do miss a lot of things though... I miss wearing the uniform and the pride that comes with that. I miss flying, going out and shooting from time to time. I miss working with soldiers, trying to help them through the regulations and solve problems. I miss deploying and the team that is built in that. I miss running through the airport heading home on leave and older gentleman stopping you to thank you for your service and then proceeding to tell you about when they served in WWII or Vietnam.
I miss being a soldier, but looking back I know it was my time to separate from that segment of my life. I will still always be proud of my service, nothing will ever change that, but I have adapted to my new role - that of an Army wife and mommy. I have just as much in pride in my service to my country as I do to those in my household. Life doesn't always go how you plan, but there is always a plan in where you go.
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I came into the Army a little later than the average entry age. I was 22 when I joined and 'celebrated' my 23 birthday on our first FTX in basic training. I had other jobs prior to the military, I had worked at a bank and two different bowling alleys for a number of years prior to joining. My life didn't change in the typical way it does for most that join the military, I wasn't straight out of high school, this wasn't my first time living away from home. But that doesn't mean the Army wasn't a complete change for me. Life as I had known it no longer existed. Daily PT (Physical Training) sessions became a way of life, I knew how to expertly iron my uniform and polish my boots, how to read a compass, throw a grenade and fire a weapon.
When something changes your life this drastically, it changes your path in life. Now don't get me wrong, there are some things I don't miss, such as the early morning PT session when it's below freezing out - for that matter, I don't miss PT in general at all. I don't miss some of the individuals that have no business leading soldier, but by education or time in grade/time in service they found themselves in those positions. And I do not miss police call, I guarantee I picked up more than my weight in cigarette butts throughout my time in uniform.
I do miss a lot of things though... I miss wearing the uniform and the pride that comes with that. I miss flying, going out and shooting from time to time. I miss working with soldiers, trying to help them through the regulations and solve problems. I miss deploying and the team that is built in that. I miss running through the airport heading home on leave and older gentleman stopping you to thank you for your service and then proceeding to tell you about when they served in WWII or Vietnam.
I miss being a soldier, but looking back I know it was my time to separate from that segment of my life. I will still always be proud of my service, nothing will ever change that, but I have adapted to my new role - that of an Army wife and mommy. I have just as much in pride in my service to my country as I do to those in my household. Life doesn't always go how you plan, but there is always a plan in where you go.
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The day I left on my first deployment
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Half our heart
It is always amazing to me how something literally half a world away can tear at your heart. Within the last few weeks, so many of the wonderful spouses I knew when we were in Germany have sent half their hearts away for yet another deployment.
As I have seen each one post pictures of their last weekend together for a while or pictures of deployment day, I understand the journey they are getting ready to embark on. I've spent a lot of time with these spouses, as many of us endured the last deployment together. We met challenges together and when the end of the tour came, we decorated together and then when they were home, we celebrated together.
But you see, there is a funny thing within that... Because as we said goodbye to them to deploy, another group was looking forward to them getting in country, the unit they are replacing. As tears are filling one spouses eyes, another is prepping for their soldier to come home. A true and complete opposite of each other.
All of this takes place outside of most people's field of view. They may see pictures or video on the news or posted on the internet, but they will never feel the emotions as you see that uniform walk away or the overwhelming joy and your heart skipping a beat when they march into that welcome home ceremony. To most it's another picture of a soldier and their family, but to the person whose arms they are in - they are the husband, the father, the wife, the mother, the son, the daughter, the hero, the protector, the soldier that so quietly sacrifices. And it is their family who keeps the homefires burning and supports their soldier while they are away.
This job isn't easy, it was never intended to be. But none the less, it is a job that has to be done. So next time you see a picture of a soldier deploying or coming home, remember that to us they aren't just a uniform - they are the other half of our heart.
As I have seen each one post pictures of their last weekend together for a while or pictures of deployment day, I understand the journey they are getting ready to embark on. I've spent a lot of time with these spouses, as many of us endured the last deployment together. We met challenges together and when the end of the tour came, we decorated together and then when they were home, we celebrated together.
But you see, there is a funny thing within that... Because as we said goodbye to them to deploy, another group was looking forward to them getting in country, the unit they are replacing. As tears are filling one spouses eyes, another is prepping for their soldier to come home. A true and complete opposite of each other.
All of this takes place outside of most people's field of view. They may see pictures or video on the news or posted on the internet, but they will never feel the emotions as you see that uniform walk away or the overwhelming joy and your heart skipping a beat when they march into that welcome home ceremony. To most it's another picture of a soldier and their family, but to the person whose arms they are in - they are the husband, the father, the wife, the mother, the son, the daughter, the hero, the protector, the soldier that so quietly sacrifices. And it is their family who keeps the homefires burning and supports their soldier while they are away.
This job isn't easy, it was never intended to be. But none the less, it is a job that has to be done. So next time you see a picture of a soldier deploying or coming home, remember that to us they aren't just a uniform - they are the other half of our heart.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Sandstorms
One of my least favorite things about Iraq (and there was a bunch of them) was the sandstorms. When they hit, it was like everything stopped. We weren't able to fly in them, so it meant that work slowed way down. When work slows down, so did time...
It didn't seem to matter how well something was sealed or buckled up, sand still got into everywhere. If you walked outside even for a minute, you felt like you had just eaten a cupful of sand and attempting to wash your hair after one ended up with more of a mud mask than actually getting things clean. Couple the wind and sand with the extreme temperatures and sweating, no stone was left unturned on placed you would find this stuff.
Even when you were inside of a building, just from people opening the doors to go outside would let in enough so there was a 'fog' in the hallways. For days after, you would continue to find all the little nooks and crannies that the sand had found it's way into. It just added another aspect of unpleseantness to the already sucky situation...
It didn't seem to matter how well something was sealed or buckled up, sand still got into everywhere. If you walked outside even for a minute, you felt like you had just eaten a cupful of sand and attempting to wash your hair after one ended up with more of a mud mask than actually getting things clean. Couple the wind and sand with the extreme temperatures and sweating, no stone was left unturned on placed you would find this stuff.
Even when you were inside of a building, just from people opening the doors to go outside would let in enough so there was a 'fog' in the hallways. For days after, you would continue to find all the little nooks and crannies that the sand had found it's way into. It just added another aspect of unpleseantness to the already sucky situation...
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Oh the funny things in life...
Oh the funny things in life... Yesterday there was a fundraiser with the FRG at the hangar our company works in. About halfway through I bent down to give my son a couple little snacks. When I stood back up the backside of my pants felt a little looser, but we were busy so I didn't think much of it at the time.
Later in the day after I was home, I was playing with my son on the floor when I felt a draft. I reached back to find that my pants had a huge tear in the backside of them running right next to my pocket. I don't know how big the tear was at the time of the fundraiser, but hopefully no one saw any part of my backside. Those jeans are not retired and I got a little laugh out of it...
Later in the day after I was home, I was playing with my son on the floor when I felt a draft. I reached back to find that my pants had a huge tear in the backside of them running right next to my pocket. I don't know how big the tear was at the time of the fundraiser, but hopefully no one saw any part of my backside. Those jeans are not retired and I got a little laugh out of it...
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