My future son

The past is ever present on days like today, as we pause to remember those fallen service members.  Tonight I also saw a flash into the future.  My oldest son is 20 months old and he was out helping his daddy in the garage work on the blazer he drove to high school. 

As he was standing up behind the steering wheel, he reached out and asked for the football that was sitting on the floor in the garage.  I handed it to him and he took it and put it on the dash of the blazer.  I had just been talking to my husband about talking the blazer out and getting some pictures of our boys and him before he deploys and that had given me an idea.  One of the pictures I want to take is my oldest standing next to the blazer holding a football, then down the road when he is in high school if he ends up playing football, I want to do the same picture. 

I came inside and began thinking more about this flash forward.  I told my mom about it and she said the same had happened from time to time when my sister and I were growing up.  She talked about how it pulls at the heartstrings... and it does.  For a moment, my heart ached as I knew my boys are already growing up too fast. 

Then I thought further about it...  one of the things that has always been in the back of my mind with my boys growing up around the military is the possibility of them taking that route and how much that scares me.  But it was a fear that both my family and my husband's family faced a number of years back when we had each enlisted and again faced each time we deployed. 

I began to imagine the mothers of the fallen...  how they had felt when they were watching their children grow up, whether they saw them growing old or having children, or whether they had pictured them in uniform.  When I have talked to Gold Star Mothers in the past, some mentioned that being in the service was all their child ever wanted, others said it was something they never expected.  When you talk to most of them, their favorite stories they share are the ones of their young child, when innocence was at it's best and the simple things in life were the best. 

Before I became a mommy, I still couldn't imagine losing a child to a war.  Now that I am a mommy to two amazing boys, I can't imagine losing my children to anything.  Today, after this vision of my future son, my heart aches more than it normally does for those mothers who have lost their child. 

Soldier vs. Spouse?

Soldier or spouse, who has it harder?  This is a question I have been asked many times and it never gets any easier to answer.  Before I was a spouse, I would have said soldier in a heartbeat, but that was simply because I didn't know.  Now that I have been on both sides, I honestly have to say it's like trying to compare apples and oranges. 

The soldier has the benefit of knowing what is going on.  When there is a comms blackout, they know whether they are fine or not.  They control much of communications, at least on the electronics side of things.  They often have the bonus of losing track of what day it is and stay busy enough that time moves by relatively quickly.  BUT...  depending on what their job is, they may have to deal with horrible scenes that most would not even want to imagine, they deal with losing their battle buddies and with missing out on everything going on at home.  I know when I was deployed, I maybe called home once a month.  I didn't want to know what I was missing out on.  When you add children to the mix of that, you have many service members that miss the birth, first steps, first words, birthdays, holidays and other important events that you can never get back - that can be a very hard pill to swallow.

On the other side of the house - the spouse.  The spouse has the benefit of normalcy.  I know that's hard to say since nothing is normal when our soldiers are gone, but we still have the benefit of our own bed, a shower every day, jumping in the car and going and grabbing something if we need it.  We also get to see the daily growth and interactions of our children.  We don't miss the birthdays and holidays, the special events and first words.  BUT... we live in a day to day countdown.  Our days often times move more slowly than theirs do as when we lay down for bed, the lack of their presence is made so much more obvious by the empty space in our bed.  When something is reported in the area where we know there is a good possibility they are, we hold our breath and try to stay busy until we know that 'notification timeframe' has passed.  We wait anxiously for the next call or letter.  We stay busy with other things, but the waiting is still there in the back of our minds. 

You see, the soldier and the spouse, even though we share the same family and share a life together, still have two completely separate paths.  One is that of the soldier who goes out on the adventures the military sends them on, but many times don't return whole whether physically, mentally or both.  The other is that of the spouse, the one who may never have a complete understanding of where their soldier has been or what they have seen, but takes their spouse as they are and moves forward on their path. 

Each side is a hero in their own right, each side makes sacrifices and each side shares a pride in their service to their country - whether in uniform or by loving someone in uniform.

Problem soldier

I hadn't even been an NCO a month when I found myself in the commander's office.

Earlier that morning, my squad leader approached me because two of the junior enlisted soldiers were scheduled to have their article 15 read to them and their NCOs weren't available to provide a 'defense' statement for them.  He asked me if I would be willing to go in and speak with the commander.  Knowing both the soldiers and had worked with them, I knew the reason they were in trouble was not necessarily out of character for them, but a little more severe than their normal antics. 

 While in Al Asad, Iraq, he completed the Marine Corps
Corporals Course

While out one weekend, they had found themselves in a fight with soldiers from another battalion.  When it was all said and done, the other five soldiers ended up in the hospital and they weren't much worse for the wear.  The soldiers were sorry though and they were good soldiers who had done something that most young soldiers will do at some point in time, they made a mistake.

As I'm standing there in the commander's office and I listen to someone who barely knows these soldiers names try to explain to the commander that they are nothing but trouble makers and deserve to be punished to the full extent, my 'fear' of the position I was in disappeared and my anger over this individuals lack of leadership kicked in.  After listening to what he had to say, I respectfully told him he didn't know what he was talking about and explained to the commander my first hand daily interactions with the soldiers.  After I had said my part, I was told my portion was done and I was free to go. 

A little while later on the hangar floor, I was tackled by those two soldiers.  Apparently, the commander had intended on punishing them to the max extent, which was a possible field grade, but after hearing what I had said about the soldiers, he changed his mind.  The soldiers still found themselves on extra duty for quite a while, but they had learned their lesson.

In this situation, I had learned something extremely important about leadership as well.  The soldiers simply needed someone who trusted and believed in them.  From that day forward, neither of those soldiers ever got in trouble again. 

Over the course of the last few years, I have kept in touch with one of these soldiers.  Although I still see that young, immature soldier in him - the changes in him have been completely amazing.  We deployed together and when I found out I was leaving to head back early, he was there with a positive word and a hug to send me back with. 

When the unit returned from deployment, I witnessed the changes that a deployment as a MEDEVAC crew chief can cause in soldiers.  I witnessed, through pictures, his wedding to a fellow soldier.  Then a little less than a year later, they welcomed their first child.  Both his wife and him has since left the service, but they have continued to grow.  He has become a real estate agent, she is going to school and they are expecting their second child any day now.  Even though he is less than ten years younger than me, he seems like one of my kids and I couldn't be more proud of the person he has become!

This entry is written by a wonderful lady, who contacted me recently about collaborating on a blog.  Please take a moment to read and share as you see fit:

How to Defeat the Myths That Hinder Your Job Search

 

Few people enjoy looking for a new job, and the prospect of transitioning from a military career to a civilian one can be overwhelming to think about. Even if you’re excited about the possibility of change, the reality of it, couples with common myths, can bring some fear with it. The broad range of myths that serve to discourage or mislead job seekers can make things seem even more daunting than they really are. So, what should you do?

 

First, let’s take a look at a few of those myths and learn how to debunk them with their actual truths!

 

Myth #1: Time in active duty or time spent recovery from combat injuries will hurt my ability to find a job with companies that are looking for “consistent” employees.

Truth: There is no reason for potential employers to think that your military service will limit your ability to show up for work, and companies are actually prevented by law from actively discriminating against veterans. In fact, some laws actually provide benefits to companies who employ veterans with certain qualifications or who became disabled during their service time.

 

Myth #2: Most potential employers don’t care about applicants.

Truth: Today’s companies understand the fierce competition in the marketplace, and they want to hire top talent. Many companies will make accommodations to ensure that top job candidates do not fall through the cracks. Some companies offer the option of working from home. Other tech-savvy Fortune-500 companies, such as GM and AT&T, work with JIBE, a company specializing in mobile recruiting, to supply handy online application services to help potential employees upload their résumés easily from computers, tablets or smart phones.

 

Myth #3: You’ll get a good job more quickly by applying to as many jobs as possible.

Truth: Not every job is well suited to you, and applying to a bunch of jobs without researching positions and companies can be more of a waste of time than actually helping you. Instead of apply for every job opening you find, take the time to choose jobs you think would be a great fit for you. Look for jobs you would enjoy and companies whose practices you respect. Then spend time crafting your resume, learning more about these jobs, and preparing yourself for getting the job you want with an employer who will value what you bring to the company.

 

Myth #4: No companies specifically seek to hire military veterans.

Truth: Actually, many companies seek to hire military veterans, and government incentive programs for the employment of veterans is helping to grow the number of employers who fall into this category. For assistance in finding companies who are looking for military veterans, go to VeteranJobListings.com.

 

Yes, changes can be challenging. When transitioning from military duty to civilian life, it may take time to find the job that is right for you. Along the way, however, you will find resources to help you. As you debunk the myths about job searching, you’ll find the process to be much easier than you might have imagined, and an opportunity to chase a dream you always wished you could fulfill!

 

Emma is a mid 20-something year old with a passion for life, love, fitness, and helping others. She loves to be active and get involved in as many sport and community activities as possible. Emma is currently studying to become a Career & Life Coach, and loves to network with people from around the world! Check out Emma’s blog at http://smileasithappens.blogspot.com/! 

Deployments change you

Deployments change you... no matter what you experience during the deployment. 

Recently, I was looking through pictures and I came across a picture of my cousin and I.  Our units were in Kuwait at the same time waiting to move forward to Iraq.  He was a young PFC and I was a newly promoted SPC.  As we stood outside the DFAC in Kuwait, there were big smiles in the picture, happy to have family 'close' by.  In a few short days, his unit would move forward to a FOB just south of Baghdad.  A few days after that, I would move forward with my unit to a FOB north of Baghdad.  Neither of us really knew what the next fifteen months was going to bring. 

Shortly after arriving in Iraq, I started receiving letters from my cousin.  We began communicating back and forth through letters and soon those became a very important outlet for both of us.  Over the course of our letters, you could see the change.  They had started out as just a 'how are you doing?' type of check in.  As time went on, they became very blunt, to the point and unedited on what was going on, things that had been seen and the struggles sometimes raging within.

During the first eight months, as he had gone out on multiple patrols, there had been IEDs and he had found himself in the back of a MEDEVAC helicopter more than once.  As a blackhawk doorgunner, my love for the aircraft was already there, but it was in that time that my love for the MEDEVAC mission developed.  After his third flight, my unit gave me a day off to go and visit him.  That in itself was a God send for him, for me and for our families back home. 

For a soldier, it's easy to hide from family how they are really are, especially when they are in a deployed location.  We don't want our families worrying more than they already are.  For them, seeing pictures of us together with smiles on our faces again made all the difference. 

Over the course of the last seven months of deployment, we would have the opportunity to travel back and forth to visit each other a few more times.  Each of those visits were a change to sit back and relax for a few minutes despite everything going on around us. 

About a month after redeploying, we had a chance to visit each other once again.  We were both very different people than we had been before that deployment.  Although prior to our pre-deployment leave, it had been since we were little kids that we had seen each other, over those fifteen months we had been a lifeline for each other. 

We still live in two different states, are both our of the military after going through Medical Evaluations Boards.  We are both married, him with one little boy and I now have two little boys.  It's been a couple years since we have seen each other, but the bond that we forged in those months is something that will never go away.  That bond that someone else has an understanding of the path we have walked in some of the more difficult times of our lives.