I survived

I saw something this morning this is very true...  It said 'Someone once asked me how I hold my head up so high after all I've been through. I said, it's because no matter what, I'm a survivor.  Not a victim.'  I have found on more than one occasion that I have become a victim of a situation, but through each one I have found a new strength, a new faith.  I have learned who my true friends are and those who I could let go of.  Bottom line - I survived....

I survived being raped by someone I had known since I was a kid, someone I had worked with and our families had spent time together.  It was tough, I spent more days crying than anything else, sleep was hard to come by, but I didn't want to get out of bed.  But I survived and I stood my ground by facing him in court.

I survived being beat up by someone I was dating, someone I cared for, someone I thought cared for me, someone who ended up sending me to the ER.  Then because I had scratched him once in the whole situation when he had me pinned down by my throat and was blacking out - he called the cops on me.  I was taken straight from the hospital, arm in a sling and all, to jail.  The judge ended up dismissing my charges.  But I survived and I became a stronger person for it... 

I survived two deployments - granted day to day tasks are sometimes a challenge, I struggle with back pain, with speech and memory issues due to a TBI and being oversensitive to noise and overcautious when I go places due to PTSD.  But each day I get up and face the new day that has been given to me... another day with my husband and my son, another day to share my story and hope that it may help someone. 

Life isn't always going to be easy - in fact, most days it's probably going to be more difficult than we probably planned, but the bottom line - it's not our plan.  We have an opportunity to make the most of each day given to us.  I have survived those past days and although those will always be a part of who I am, they will not control who I can be.

A perfect picture isn't always the picture that's perfect

Earlier today I had a client tell me that she has wished her hair hadn't ruined so many of her and her husband's pre-deployment pictures.  I shared with her a realization that I have come to over the years both with taking pictures and with life just in general.  When we have pictures done, we all hope for that picture perfect moment where the smiles are just right, our hair is exactly in the place, all the kiddos are looking at the camera and smiling their best smiles. 

The reality is that's not how things happen.  Often times those perfect moments may be caught for a split second, but most the time they don't happen at all.  A few hairs, if not a chunk of hair is out of place, the kiddos are looking in twenty different directions or when they are looking at the camera, they have a cheesy smile that is not at all what was envisioned. 

The session this lady had been talking about was a pre-deployment session as her husband is preparing for his first deployment.  From past experience, I have learned that the moments when you need those pictures the most when you are deployed - you appreciate the ones where things weren't perfect, because it reminds you a memory.  It may make you think of a smell or a situation, either way, outside of letters and the occasional phone call, those are what get you through the deployment. 

I'm just as guilty as anyone of trying to make the picture just right, but the short conversation that I had with this lady made me think of my son's session last night.  I had planned on taking him to the park and doing his pictures outside, but he has allergies and they were bothering him - so we ended up doing the studio setting.  He wouldn't let me take his binkie and he wanted to hold his comb.  After it was all said and done, and with a little help from my husband, we got the binkie and the comb away from him and got a few smiles.  But in the midst of the rest of the pictures are him crawling away and trying to climb out of the little Radio Flyer he was in... and you know - that's ok...  Because in a few months when he's walking, I'm going to think back on the days he was crawling and be happy I have those less than planned pictures to hold on to.

Small towns

Small towns often get overlooked because they don't always have all the amenities to offer like bigger towns or cities do.  There is one very large positive about smaller towns, they remember. 

They remember what it's like to be patriotic, they remember to fly the flag and they remember to bring the flags to half staff when an order is to be executed.  They remember that Independence Day isn't just about fireworks.

Last year, we had just arrived back from living overseas for the past five 4 of July holidays.  We had missed the parades and the fireworks.  My hometown is one of those smaller towns and last year we watched at the outpouring of community involvement in the parade and other activities throughout the day to commemorate that day.  This year, we were in another smaller town hours away, but the outpouring was the same. 

Along the streets kids proudly waved the flag and the parade was ongoing.  After the parade was a ceremony done in honor of all veterans.  They actually run their ceremony for five days here, which includes concerts and a car show among other activities.  Events like this is something that bigger towns have gotten away from.  They put on the traditional firework show, but that's the extent of it. 

It was nice to see that some haven't forgotten that the 4th of July is a holiday for celebrating with fireworks, but it's also a holiday to reflect back and salute those who have continued to keep this country free for the last 236 years.  May we never forget those who have served this country and the sacrifices they have made. 

How do you answer a thank you?  Sometimes it's hard especially when it's someone thanking you for your service.  There is the simple 'you're welcome', but often times it just doesn't feel like that is appropriate.  'It was my pleasure' also doesn't have the right ring to it.  And then there is the way to respond when the individual thanking you is someone who themselves have served too.  It doesn't seem to matter what direction you go or what choice of words, none of them ever seem just right.