I'm not better than you!

A couple months ago, I was asked by another spouse if I thought I was better than other spouses because I was prior service.  This question caught me off guard and has really bothered me, especially since the person that asked it was someone I thought knew me at least somewhat well.

My first initial response was no, I don't.  As I thought about it more over the last months and this question keeps popping back up in my mind, I was trying to think of how I would have given that perception.

I don't see myself as better than a spouse that hasn't served, it's simply different.  I've been not only on the side of having my soldier deployed through holidays and birthdays, gone TDY more than I can count, but I've been deployed, I've gone TDY more times than I can remember - it's simply a different experience.

Last deployment, after I was sent back I struggled with integrating with the other spouses.  I just didn't know how I fit in.  They had already had four months to get to know each other, to build their little support systems and now here I was…  I had been married to my soldier for a couple of years, but had never really seen myself as a spouse per say.  When I did finally get to know some of the spouses, I was awkward.  I felt like a spouse, I had gotten to know them and we had become friends, but I was still awkward.

I struggled with what could be said and what couldn't, what should and shouldn't be.  I didn't want to share more than what the soldier wanted shared.  I've struggled with that thought for a long time.  I couldn't ever figure out why I've had trouble sharing past military experiences with my family until someone hit the nail on the head - although they knew I was a soldier, I needed them to still continue to see me as their daughter, their sister, their spouse.  Some of the stories and experiences, I felt would alter that view.  This is the same reason why my husband and I don't share everything about missions we have been on.  It allows to still keep some things separate.  We both know the other is available whenever we need an ear, but it's all on our own time.  This is much the same for many service members on why their full story may not be shared.  It's not a matter of not wanting to share that part of their life, it's simply a matter of still needing to be seen as their role outside the military too.  With that being said, I didn't want to ruin that role for my fellow soldiers.  I had served with them forward and now I was waiting with their spouses in the rear… it was awkward.  I finally learned it was best to say nothing.

After I left the Army, I found myself full on in the role of a spouse… once again I was awkward.  Then from time to time, I would get an email from one of my former soldiers who was asking me for help on locating a regulation or what my experience was with certain situations at the time of separation.  Slowly those emails started dwindling, as many of them have separated the service now.

Then new emails started, new texts… this time from spouses.  They were trying to understand something and it just didn't make sense.  Or their soldier was TDY and they needed to figure out paperwork.  Then, the most recent was the heartbreaking moment of explaining the notification process to the mother of a soldier with the unit and a fellow spouse.  One was completely unfamiliar with the process, the other had received some incorrect information.  In situations like this, they are never my experiences…  I got straight to the regulations.  I ensure that the information that I'm forwarding on is the correct info.  I give the references.

You see - I don't think I'm better in any way, shape or form… I've simply had a different path previously to the path I'm currently on.  A path that helps me understand things in a different way or understand the random gibberish that seems to be the way that the Army feels is necessary to write their regulations.  I have walked in my husband's boots, as we have both been a part of an air assault unit and a medevac unit.  I have never walked on the lands of Afghanistan like he has, but I have in Iraq.  I know the look in his face when he comes back from a bad mission, which is why when he comes off duty and it's been a rough time, sometimes our Skype time has become a victim of Internet connection issues.  My husband have cleaned blood out of the back of the aircraft together and manned machine guns on the opposite side of the aircraft.

I live in an in-between world, where I find myself constantly in a state of being awkward.  A state where I miss being a soldier and even the realities of it that are sometimes painful, but where I also enjoy being able to stay home with my boys and supporting my husband.  A world where I'm so incredibly proud of my husband for being selected to flight school, but also where I look back and wonder what if I had ever been able to submit my packet, which had been my dream.

In most ways though, I'm no different from any other spouse who has changed their schools three times before they complete their degree.  Who has given up a career to follow the man they love.  Who takes a job at their current location that they are way beyond qualified for, but there isn't anything available in your field.  Who stays home and raises the kids.  Who picks up a side job or starts their own business, so they have something they can move with them the next time orders come down.

So, no I don't think I'm better than my fellow spouses.  My experiences from my 'past life' just carry forward into the here and now differently than what a lot of other's 'past life' does.  

The struggles within

I've debated on writing on this topic for awhile because of it being the happy holiday season, but then I reminded myself that this time of year is the hardest for those who suffer from depression.  I'm no different.  For the last number of years, I've had on and off issues with my PTSD.  Depression is one of many 'side effects'.

Most that see me out and about see a smile on my face.  I did the same thing when I was in the Army and my back was killing me, I did the best to keep a smile on my face and continue on.  This masking is no different for anyone who suffers from invisible wounds.  On a day to day basis, they attempt to function and act like everything is normal.

Then when they are away from others, the truth comes out, sometimes the tears, sometimes the hopeless thoughts or the feelings of being useless, the thoughts that something bad is going to happen or that yours or the life of a loved ones will be cut short.  The list goes on and on.

A little over a month ago, I finally came to terms with the fact that things were getting beyond my level of being able to cope with it myself.  I wasn't sleeping at night (which I'm still not doing great at since I'm awake at 4am writing this), I couldn't get some of the negative thoughts out of my head, even though my husband was most likely going to be coming home from deployment soon, all I could think about was the struggles that come with reintegration.  I was angry all the time, everything made me angry and to an extent, it still does.  I have to really talk myself through calming down.

When I had enough, I picked up the phone and called the VA.  This wasn't an easy call to make.  It was one that I had picked up the phone to make at least half a dozen times, but I finally did.  Not everyone makes that call.  It's not a matter of strength and weakness either, because some of those that have the strongest exteriors are the ones that are fighting the most within, while others are able to wear their fight on the outside.

I have learned that there are way too many taboo subjects, but the subjects that no one wants to talk about are the subjects that need the most openness.  I often times share my stories and struggles because someone out there might be reading this and might find that they aren't alone.  Sometimes simply finding out you aren't alone, can make a difference.

I started on meds about three weeks ago, the day after Thanksgiving.  I'm still weeks from being up to the dosage that's supposed to be effective for treatment, but it's a matter of taking things a day at a time. I've come to terms with yet another diagnosis that I thought I was stronger than, I've come to terms with the fact that it's okay to ask for help and I've come to terms with the fact that it doesn't have to be that dirty little secret.

As we head into these last few days before Christmas, I ask you to pray for those who may be struggling the most at this time of year, those who may be alone, those who need the blessings of Christmas more than anyone will know.

Our world

In the last few days, our military community and even smaller, within our aviation family has suffered a great loss.  When the news broke of a downed helicopter in Afghanistan… it was a quick blip and the it jumped to the next news story.  In that quick blip, our aviation world stopped.  Families anxiously sat at home waiting to see if they would hear that dreaded knock and they watched their phones to see if that weird unfamiliar number would pop up.

The rest of the world continued turning.  Those that were around these families have told them to go do something or to try to keep busy.  Even sometimes those closest to us don't understand.  They haven't been in our shoes, they haven't waited.

In the military, those service members aren't just co-workers, they become a part of each other's lives.  They are there with each other in the worst conditions and help each other get through the hardest times.  When they are home for the holidays, they open up their home to those other service members who may not be going home.  They support each other and have each other's backs.

On the other side of the world, their spouses do the same thing.  They become close friends in a much shorter time than you would see in the civilian world.  They share their most intimate moments of weakness and reach out just when it is needed.  They help make sense of the often less than understandable military and open their arms when their world is shattered.

Most are oblivious to the world that takes place within a military community.  It's a world that is often misunderstood, a sacrifice that is often forgotten, a weight that sometimes seems unmanageable to carry, but in the military this is the daily life.  What makes the difference is our soldiers and those they serve beside, on the home front it is the families and those that wait with them.

As our world has faced a horrible tragedy, we will mourn the loss of these precious lives, we will support those whose world were shattered and we will always remember that although this world can be difficult, we are not in it alone.

The decisions we make

Decisions… it's something we all deal with throughout the different seasons in life.  There are the decisions to take a job that would uproot your family or the decision on which college to attend, sometimes decisions that are as trivial as what will be for dinner.  Over the past nine years, I have found myself faced with some of the most difficult decisions I have made.  Those nine years encompass the military years, not only for myself as a soldier, but also to those as an Army wife.

I think the biggest decision I ever made that has most greatly affected my life and it's course was joining the Army.  If it hadn't been for that I probably wouldn't met my husband, I most likely would still be wearing glasses, I probably wouldn't deal with the pain and other frequent struggles, I probably never would have moved away from where I was originally from…  There's a lot of 'probably nevers'.

Since that big decision, there's been a lot of others along the way.  The decision to re-enlist.  The decision to marry a fellow soldier.  The decision to accept that the pain was getting worse and acknowledge that the Army deemed I no longer met medical standards to continue wearing the uniform.

The decision to start a family.  The decision to try to be stationed close to family.  The decision to be a start a home mom.  The decision for my husband to re-enlist, and re-enlist again.  The decision for him to pursue becoming a warrant officer.  The decision for him to accept his selection.

I could go on and on.  Some of these decisions were ones that were made that affected myself and myself alone, others were ones that we have made as a family.  The most recent major decision we made was for my husband to accept his selection to flight school.  This seemingly simple decision had so many short and long term affects on our family.

First, it meant a re-enlist that would take him to 14 years in the Army.  We had both decided years ago that if that magic number of ten years in the Army was hit by either of us, that we would stay in until retirement at 20 years.  So this single decision in itself committed our family to another 12 years of Army life.

Second, it meant a move…  a move away from the first home we purchased, the home we brought both of our boys home to after they were born, a home that's close to my side of the family.  In the long term, the move now is a chance for our kids to be closer to my husband's side of the family for a little while, for our boys and our nephews to see each other more often.  

Third, it meant a form of stability, in a sense.  Although, there will be moves along the way, new houses to decorate, new schools for the kids, probably more deployments, it also means that we are stable in the fact that the boys will never go without health care, they will always have a roof over their head, there will always be food on the table.

When we had sat down and looked over all the pros and cons, we decided for our family, although we know there will be some challenges ahead based on this decision, there would also be challenges if we decided to go the other route and him separate from the Army.

We have learned along the way that decisions aren't always easy.  Even something so joyous as becoming a parent can be met with challenges we never imagined we would face (and I'm saying this as my oldest is only two, who knows what is yet to come).  We do our best to look from the outside in and see what will be the most positive outcome for the future and we pray that God will light the path we are meant to take.

We are all humans and with that there is choices - the choices we make will lead us one direction over another.  Sometimes the path we chose, wasn't the right one and we find ourselves back tracking to get to the last fork in the road.  Other times, we are able to look forward to the next fork because our decision was the right one for us.  Then there are going to be other times that no decision is right or wrong, it's simply a matter of choosing which path we are going to take.

Every decision becomes a part of who we are.

The early arrival

I think it's easy to be frustrated when a soldier makes it home before yours does.  My husband just arrived home from deployment number three a little over halfway through.  There hasn't been a deployment yet though that at least some of the soldiers haven't come back at off times from the rest of the unit.

First deployment, even though we had been extended to 15 months and in the heart of the surge in Iraq, there were still soldiers that returned early for one reason or another - some had been hurt, some had become pregnant and some had family members that had significant health issues to include one of our spouses being diagnosed with cancer.

Second deployment was a little different.  I was one of those that returned early - about four months in to a year long deployment.  My back just wasn't holding up and with our change of orders from Iraq to Afghanistan, the expectations of our unit were going to change drastically.  I wasn't the first one to return home early from our unit and I ended up becoming one of quite a few that would return home early over the course of the next eight months.

Now on to number three.  My husband was on the first flight out, which to most was transparent besides a picture posted of the four of us from the day he left.  I still went to almost every deployment ceremony to take pictures for one family or another.  I watched as families trickled out over the course of a month after my husband had left.  Then starting a couple of months ago with a memo, I started seeing faces reappear here that had left long after my husband had.  They reappeared before we knew he was going to be coming home early.

With each situation, I saw the unfortunate bitterness.  The thing I think is very interesting about that bitterness, it's only at home.  Even when a soldier returned because of being pregnant, for the most part, little was said, we were all too busy to really care too much about it.

When I was getting ready to head back, I struggled with leaving my soldiers, but they all supported me.  I was sent off with hugs and well wishes, genuine well wishes.  Eight months later when the soldiers were getting ready to arrive home, I braced myself for cold shoulders and the sore feelings towards me… but there wasn't one.  As those soldiers walked in the hangar to turn in their weapons and I started shaking hands to welcome them home, those hand shakes were quickly shifted to hugs as the soldiers pulled me in for them.

This deployment had been much different for us though… this is the first time I haven't been on the soldier side of things.  As my husband shared that it was that time, the soldiers he had worked most closely with sent him off with words of well wishes, with hugs and a genuine happiness that he was returning home.  He had that anticipation and when he arrived home, he was happy to be home. The first day he was home, we spent the day making goodies to send in care packages to some of the single soldiers he was deployed with.  They knew and understood why he was coming home and they supported him.

On the other side of it, I have braced myself for weeks, every since we knew for sure he was coming home early.  I didn't really tell anyone because I anticipated there would be negative feelings, whether they were shown or not.  I saw how last deployment changed many of the relationships, even those that were close during the other parts of the deployment, when one of the soldiers arrived home early.  All of a sudden, you aren't sharing in something together, you feel like the other person is no longer your ally.  It's like they have morphed into this different person.

The fact is - that person doesn't change just because their soldier is home.  I never saw one person whose soldier came home early turn their back on the spouses they had been friends with.  They still were available when there was a bad day or when there as an emergency and the kids needed to be watched.

Even though I was a soldier last deployment, I was still a spouse with a deployed soldier.  I didn't understand the thought process of this perceived morphing then and I guess I still don't know.  Over the last months as other soldiers have come home, I was honestly happy for those families…  some of which I didn't even know at all.  As military families, we know how much our soldiers miss out on, so I celebrate when a soldier doesn't have to miss something.  No different than now that my husband is home, doesn't make my heart break any less for our little military family who will have an empty chair at their table for Christmas or for upcoming birthdays, etc.

Recently, I have deleted myself off a lot of the local military spouse groups.  I found that I didn't understand a lot of the needless drama that takes place.  The new form of bullying that has arisen.  As soldiers, although we didn't always get along, we did what we needed to in order to support our fellow soldiers.  That didn't mean things were always rainbows and kittens, but you do what you have to in order to make the mission happen.  I guess that's why I'm at such a loss on why this doesn't carry over to the other side of the family.  Maybe that's why I've stuck to just a few close people and kept my distance otherwise.

Bottom line - this life, this military life we live in has enough challenges, why do we add more to it?

The real reintegration

It's easy to get wrapped in to the magic of a homecoming ceremony when you see all the pictures of that second first kiss.  The embraces that have been waiting for months and at times for a year or longer.  The children who are so small and tiny, holding a sign that simply states something that is so heartbreaking and so simple 'I've waited all my life to meet you…'

These are the moments that are posted and shared.  The moments that when you are going through your first deployment with your spouse you count down to, you look forward to.  It's the moments that come after that first night or that first few days, that you come to understand a little more after each deployment.

You learn that term reintegration means a lot more than a bunch of classes that the Army (and all other branches of service) require your service member to take.  It means getting them settled back in to every day life.  That could mean something as simple as the coffee being made a little less strong than something that could dissolve a spoon or staying on their side of the bed at night.  Or it could go much further… It could be the nightmares that wake them up or the days it takes them to readjust to the new time zone that causes their patience to wear a little thin.

It's in reminding them to take the trash out or getting used to having a baby monitor on through the night.  It's in the hyper vigilance that may take months to calm down or the way they constantly feel like they are missing something when they are walking out the door, because they've just spend the last number of months with a weapon constantly attached.

In recent weeks, when talking to other spouses about my husband coming home early from deployment, it was hard to explain how there was hesitation.  Even when I returned from a deployment when I was a single soldier, things were off.  It wasn't something I could put in to words, but it was just different.  Deployments change a person, some for the good, some for the bad, some find their breaking points and others will see life completely differently than they ever did before.  After all of that, they are sent back to their home, with their families, where life has continued to go on without their presence, where their child they left who couldn't even sit up by themselves is now walking and talking.

My point is this…  This whole reintegration thing doesn't get easier, you just start seeing it differently.  You understand that there are things you can do to prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best. There are ways to make that honeymoon period last beyond that first couple days.  You also learn that there are things you can help and things you can't, that being there to listen doesn't mean pushing them to talk and that it's okay if they aren't comfortable with being home with the kids alone right off the bat.

So when that moment comes and you see your soldier march in and that moment that has been building up for months comes… enjoy it, relish it.  Then in the moments that come after that, as minutes turn to hours and hours turn to days - be patient - be patient with your soldier, be patient with your kids, but most of all be patient with yourself.

A piece missing

There are days I struggle.  I miss being a soldier.  I miss having soldiers to work with and I even miss the deployments.

When my medical retirement officially came down, I struggled.  It was not on my terms, it was not on my planned time.

There have been days that I don't feel like I'm accomplishing the same things I was before.  Most of my days are spent taking care of my two little boys and keeping the household running.  I know this is some of the most important work I will ever do, however, there is still a piece missing.  Then from time to time, that piece reappears.

It appears in the form of a former soldier contacting me needing help with something or a spouse who is dealing with some stuff with their service member that they just need someone to listen.  Something directed that individual, some of which I have never met in person, to click that send button.  Although at the end of many of the conversations, there is thanks for listening or for helping them look up a regulation, the thanks is really coming from my end.  For that moment in time, the soldier is me resurfaces and I'm a different person.

To be honest, I think this has helped me deal more with the abrupt end to my planned career and other issues that had come along the way than any counselor or book every could.

So to those who thought I may have been helping them out in some way, shape or form… please know that you have helped me more than you will ever know.

What the years have brought

At the recruiters station with my family

Nine years ago today, I did one of the most difficult things I have done.  I met back at the recruiters station and loaded a van to head to MEPs.  From there I would fly to Fort Jackson, South Carolina to begin basic training.  Just two days into the Army would be my first holiday away from my family.  That first Thanksgiving would be an uneventful day waiting in reception for the inprocessing to finish to actually be transferred to my training unit.  Our required uniform was the old marshmallow PT suit.  As I look back at that first holiday and the fear I had in the decision I had made, I also look at the years in between.  They have taken me on some crazy adventures and I have met some of the most wonderful people.  Without going into too much detail, here is a quick 'snapshot' of those nine years.


Eight years ago, I spent Thanksgiving at Fort Rucker, Alabama.  The day before I had found out that I had finally received my security clearance and would soon receive my orders for my first duty station.  A couple of other soldiers and I spent the morning serving lunch at the homeless shelter and then went to Cracker Barrel for dinner.

Seven years ago was my first Thanksgiving deployed.  We were lucky where we were to have a nice DFAC, but it still was hard being away from home.  There was some comfort in knowing that I did have family close at hand with my cousin being on the other side of Baghdad.

Six years ago was my second straight Thanksgiving deployed.  This time the essence of the second straight deployed holiday was highlighted by the reporter who felt the need to walk around and ask how we felt about the deployment being extended and that it was extended through a second set of holidays.


Five years ago, was spent in WLC in Grafenwohr, Germany.  My husband was able to come visit me, but we had very limited visitation hours.

Four years ago, I had just returned from deployment early and my husband was in Afghanistan.  I spent the day actually feeling like a spouse as opposed to another soldier.  I was immersed in the world of spouses in the rear and most of us sat down and shared our meal together at the DFAC.  That evening, a fellow spouse and I boarded a bus for a very long trip to London.  

Three years ago, was a rough time....  My husband had returned from deployment a few months before and then had been sent TDY.  We were going through a lot of stuff with post deployment challenges and then I had just officially signed out of the Army after being medically retired.  Within a couple months we would find out that our first child was on the way.

Two years ago, we had just moved back to the states, our son was just a couple months old, we had bought our first house and for the first time since before I joined the Army, we spent Thanksgiving with my family.  

One year ago, we were expecting our second son.  My husband had just finished top in his class at ALC and a few days after Thanksgiving he headed to Colorado for training.

This year our family is spending separated.  My husband is on his third deployment.  As I look back on all these years, there have been some years that were challenging, some that were heartbreaking, some that brought happiness and some that just were.  The bottom line is that, even though there are days that I hate the pain that has resulted from my time in the Army, the rest of it, I wouldn't give up for anything.  It's given me the opportunity to do things I never would have done otherwise, to meet people I never would have otherwise, to see places I never would have had the opportunity to travel to and it was where I met my amazing husband.  That decision was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

A overdue word of thanks

I look around and can't believe how blessed we are.  We have wonderful neighbors who mow our yard or shovel the snow when my husband is gone.  I have friends who are willing to take my boys, even in a last minute for me.  I have the blessing of living close enough to family to see the on a regular basis, which is something that I have found myself taking for granted at times.

We are getting ready to move again (as is the Army life) and we won't be close to family like we have been at our current location.  Although we have been stationed overseas and other places away from home, all of that was before kids.  I still was going through a number of medical treatments, but it was easier to handle when it was just me.  Now I have these two little guys running/crawling around and it adds a little extra challenge to things.  A challenge that my mom has helped with more than I can count.

We moved here when I was 32 weeks pregnant with our oldest.  My parents helped us house hunt and helped us (when I say us, I really mean they helped by husband) move.  They were here to take care of our crazy puppy while we were in the hospital.  Then when my husband went on a number of TDYs, my mom came up and helped me out.  She took my son so I could take a break, she folded clothes or emptied the dishwasher.

Then about nine months later, we announced we were expecting our second little guy.  Once again, my parents came up to help.  They stayed here at the house with our oldest while we were in the hospital.  Then over the past almost eight months, as a TDY has come up and then deployment - my medical appointments haven't stopped, but every time my mom has always been there.

As we get ready to move, I know that is a big change that is going to take place.  It's going to take some getting used to, because I've been spoiled while we were here.  I don't think there are enough words to thank my mom for the sanity she has helped me keep or the pain she has prevented or the stress she has taken away.  I love you, mom!

Slightly proud

I'm going to take a moment and brag on my husband.  

Today he hit his eight year mark in the Army, and today, halfway around the world he raised his right hand to re-enlist.  Although he has done this in the past, this was the critical one for him and for our family.  We had decided a long time ago (when we were both in still) that if either of us got to the ten year mark, we were staying in to retire.  This contract renewal puts him over that ten year mark and solidifies at least another 12 years for him as a soldier and for us as an Army family.

I didn't know my husband when he joined the Army, I didn't meet him until about two years later when we were both almost a year into our first deployment.  He had just been selected to move from the maintenance company to a flight company to start flying as a crew chief.  

My first impression was that he was an arrogant, full of himself, know-it-all that was just one giant pain in my rear.  This impression, come to find out, was much at the fault of one of his NCOs because he had been 'volun-told' he was going to featured for a short informational video on the MOS 15T.  It would take a few months before I would get to know him to be any different than that.  From that point on, it didn't take long for me to learn the hard-working person he was.  

In the last six years that we have known each other, I've seen him promoted to Corporal, through pictures promoted to Sergeant and then promoted to Staff Sergeant.  I've watched as he took junior soldiers and taught them the ins and outs of the aircraft as a senior crew chief.  I've seen him take an aviation equipment shop that was handed over to him in shambles and get it completely prepared for a deployment, actually deploy it and bringing it back.  He's successfully started up multiple remote sites in a deployed environment and been selected as a flight instructor. He finished as 'top dawg' in the ACSI (Standardization Instructor Course) and then completed the Advanced Leaders Course (ALC) as the distinguished honor grad.  He's been the SI of his unit for over two years now and trained more soldiers than I can count.  He's worked towards completing his degree.  He studied for his flight aptitude test and completed his flight school packet and just found out he was selected to attend flight school.  All of this in the midst of deployments and multiple TDYs.  Not to mention that he spends every spare moment he has being an amazing father and a wonderful husband.  

I know it's easy to be partial to our service members, because we are all proud of what they do.  I've had an interesting insight in to my husband's work though since I have worked with him before.  So I've actually had the chance to witness first hand, to learn first hand from him.  

I find it even more amazing that as everyone is stressed out over the looming government shutdown, the possibility of our service members not getting paid, that he still raised his right hand.  To know that to him, it's more than a paycheck, it's more than a job - it truly is something in his heart that he loves.  Our boys and I couldn't be more proud of our soldier!!  

If there had been Facebook during Vietnam

Over the last week, the rather uneducated Facebook post of a girl has gone viral.  Although her comments were less than tactful and showed a great lack of maturity, they still irritated me.  It was a perfect example of the opinion of some of those that we may interact with on any given day. 

That being said, the number of individuals that have this type of opinion is minimal.  Considering that we are living in a time where social media makes it very easy for individuals to voice their opinion.  Also, considering that we live in a time that our military makes up the smallest percent of the total population that is has in over a century.  One other fact to keep in mind - our military is all volunteer, no one received a notice in the mail saying they were to report to a certain location to be part of the draft.

Imagine if Facebook had been existent during the Vietnam war.  These veterans were already coming home to being called baby killers and being spit on.  They were treated like less than dirt on the bottom of somebody's shoe.  So many of them perished after they were forced into the ranks.  They dealt with horrible things that someone should never have to endure, let along enduring it after the horrible things they had been through, things they had seen. 

Many of those who protested and treated these veterans this way were those who had never worn a uniform or loved someone that wore that uniform.  The same is true today.  Many who have a certain opinion are those who have never walked a day in a service member's shoes.  They have no idea what it is like to see that uniform walk away and they have no idea how it feels to give that final salute to a flag draped coffin. 

The fact of the matter is - there is a huge general population out there.  A huge population that will never understand why service members deploy, heck, there's a lot that are around the military that don't always understand either.  But there's also a general population out there that are teachers, nurses, firefighters, blue collar workers, and so on, that we may never understand.  

We could learn a huge lesson from the Vietnam veterans.  We can focus on the individuals who have an opinion that's not worth our time or we could make darn sure that our service members know they are supported.  I'm going to do my best to walk in the path those veterans have set forth - that is so simply stated in two words... NEVER AGAIN!

A 'normal' birthday

Two different locations, two different timezones, heck, during part of my son's birthday celebration our family was in two different days.  For most, this is an extreme abnormal thing, but for military families - this has become the norm.  The normal birthday, anniversary, first day of school, Christmas.  This list could go on and on.  But that normal birthday has become normal because of those families ability to adapt.

For our little family, separations are nothing new.  My husband and I have been apart more than we have been together in the almost six years we have been married.  In that time, he's been home for one of my birthdays, oh and that one happened to fall on a night there was an Army function.  Such is the life though.

Today hit a little closer to the heart though.  My husband and I are fully capable of still communicating and somewhere celebrating our special occasions when he is gone.  My son, who just turned two, is a little more difficult.  He loves getting to see daddy and we were blessed that he was able to Skype during the early part of his birthday party today.  But as it was time to tell daddy goodbye, I tried to hold back my tears as my little guy told him night, night and blew him kisses.

This was the first of many 'big' events that daddy will be missing over the next months on this go around.  I think it goes back to the old thought process that separations, TDYs, deployments never get any easier - you just learn a different way to live, you take advantage of the moments you have without him because you know he is sacrificing for those moments and each day you are thankful for the blessings you have been given.

Thankful for those that lend a helping hand, those who say a prayer for our troops, those who are your sounding boards when you've had a rough day.  Thankful to those who help you make the most of that 'one day closer'.

Two different types of soldiers

One thing I learned very quickly during my time in uniform is that there is two different types of leaders you will work with.  One there will be an over abundance of and the other will be hard to come by.

The first is those you learn what not to be.  Most often than not, they don't actually know their job and so they try to overcompensate in other ways.  When something goes wrong in their section, they are the first one to try to pass the blame on to someone junior to them in their shop.  These are also the same individuals who consistently ask of their soldiers what they are not willing to do themselves.  They become the most frustrating individuals you will deal with, often times setting a decision in stone among younger soldiers on their decision to separate from the Army.  Even years down the road when looking back on those individuals, a sour taste instantly comes to your mouth.

The other side is those that are your true leaders.  They push you to become a better person, even when you don't always realize when you are working with them.  Sometimes they will give you a bad taste at the time, but when you look back at the big picture, it's easy to see they were simply trying to make you a better soldier.  The lead by example and instead of writing soldiers off, they actually find out what's going on with a soldier.  When there is something to do, they are there next to you helping you do it.

As I look back now, there are individuals whose names still make me cringe.  They were horrible leaders.  On the other side, there is a handful that I can look back on and hope that I made them proud in some way, shape or form during my time in.

On this anniversary

Twelve years ago, so many lives changed.  Those that immediately changed when their loved ones perished at the hands of a horrible individual, those that responded to that tragedy, those that would very soon find themselves on deployment orders and the rest of us that didn't have a direct connection to this situation but ached in our hearts for those that were.  For years, we have looked at that date and can tell you exactly where we were on that day.

I remember where I was on that fateful day.  I worked at a local bank and we didn't have access to TV or radio while at work.  I called another department and the rep on the other end told me I needed to get to a TV.  As soon as I got off the phone, I went on break and walked over to the snack shop.  Right as I walked in and saw the television, the second plane hit.  I had no comprehension of what had just happened.

To be honest, I felt for those involved, but I didn't really know what I could do.  I had my job at the bank, I continued on living like I had been living.  It wasn't until July 2004 that everything become extremely real.  I had become a supervisor in my area and a guy I had gone to school with was now working up in the same area and happened to be on my team.  When I noticed that he was at his desk outside of break time and he had been gone for awhile, I went to double check on him.  I heard him extremely upset out on the emergency stairs.  When I opened the door to check on him, he looked at me with so much pain in his eyes and whispered 'Joe's gone....'  It took me a minute to realize what had happened.  His best friend, the individual who was supposed to be his best man in his wedding in a couple months, a soldier we had both gone to school with, had been Killed in Action.

In that split second, something that had been so distant became very real.

Shortly after that is when I signed on the dotted line.

I served over six anniversaries of that day, two of those were in Iraq.  The most recent anniversary, I proudly stood next to my husband as he raised his right hand and re-enlisted.  Each year, our life has changed a little bit more, this year - my husband is deployed.  Each anniversary, we remember and although neither of our boys will remember that day, they will still know the reason daddy has gone to war, the date that an attack took place on our own soil and the day that America got mad.

I hate needles - Part 2

Part 2 :

In the first few days of reception at Fort Jackson, I found myself in a seemingly never ending line of soldiers moving from table to table with our sleeves pulled up.  Each table was a different shot.  As I was stepping up to receive the first shot, another female soldier who had gone through the first two tables collapsed and had a seizure.  Thankfully, she was okay - but that's not exactly a warm fuzzy especially since the drill sergeants were still pushing us forward through the line.

My next issue with this at basic was shortly after arriving back from Exodus (side note - loved being home for Christmas, but taking a break and letting soldiers go home for the holidays is less than logical).  All the female soldiers had to have blood drawn for a pregnancy test shortly after coming back.  A day prior to this test, I had blood drawn because I was having issues with extremely low iron and they had conducted a pregnancy test at that point in time.  Even though I had told the drill sergeants I had blood drawn less than 24 hours prior and had already 'passed' my pregnancy screening, I was still pushed through the line.

I sat down in the chair and shortly after the medic had started drawing blood, I passed out.  In the process, I almost fell out of the chair and managed to rip the whole setup out of my arm.  So now, not only were they trying to get me to come to, they had a mess that was continuing to grow.  From what I was told, I was out for a few minutes.  Smelling salts, water, none of your common triggers to 'wake' you up were working.  So the medic took extreme measures and slapped me across the face.  I woke up to a stinging sensation across my face and a rather messy arm.  When the medic asked me what happened, I told her about having blood being taken and already having had a pregnancy test.  I then proceeded to get yelled out for not telling her before she stuck me and was stuck in a chair for 'observation' for about an hour.

I hate needles - Part 1

When I first told my mom that I was joining the Army, she gave me that look of complete shock.  Later, in a conversation she mentioned my hate of needles.  Knowing the significant number of shots, etc that are involved with the military, that were what let her know this was something I really wanted to do.

It didn't take long for that hate of needles to come into play.  I didn't even make it through MEPS.  When we first arrived the morning of our in processing, they briefed us on a number of rules - one of which was not falling asleep during the lengthy day.  One of the first stops was to have blood drawn.  I made it through getting my blood drawn (barely), then stopped at the water fountain on the way to my next station.  When I went to pick up my paperwork from the chair, I realized that I had a steady stream of blood running down my arm.

As I walked back to the area for the blood draw, I was leaving a nice trail behind me.  They asked me what I needed and I told them more bandages.  I then showed them my arm.  I was fine standing there until I saw the other individuals getting their blood drawn.  They couldn't catch me before I hit the floor.  This wasn't exactly my ideal start to this day.

When I came to, I heard laughing.  Once I was fully awake, I realized they were laughing at me.  My first thought was 'great, I'm that person'.  Then someone filled me in.  Before I had completely come to, I had asked if I was going to be kicked out. When asked why, I told them because I had fallen asleep.  Shortly after that is when I had fully woken up.  Given it was a Friday morning and they all had a busy week, they were thankful for a lighter moment.

To be continued (this is one of many stories based on my issues with needles)...

Some days it's easy...

Recently, I sat down after having one of the rougher days during this deployment so far.  It was more of a way of just venting at the moment, but it was shared and shared - as of right I've shown, it was shared 29 times on Facebook.  I thought since it had touched a spot with so many that I would share on here as well.  I don't always have the best words to describe how I'm feeling, but this is one night that I guess the words fit. 

Some days it’s easy…
It’s easy to take for granted the other half of your bed being warm when you don’t know how it feels for it be cold for so many nights on end.
It’s easy to take for granted your spouse being at your child’s birthday party when they are there for every one of them.
It’s easy to take for granted that shoulder being there just at the right time when there are so many times tears fall while you are all alone because he’s gone.
It’s easy to take for granted making plans for next weekend when you are so used to him being sent away for weeks at a time with only a day or two notice.
It’s easy to stay connected to your children when you aren’t attempting to do it through a computer screen from half a world away.
It’s easy to forget there are still troops overseas when it isn’t someone you know or love.
It’s easy to go about your day and complain about the simplest things when so many are struggling to just get through to that ‘one day closer’.
It’s easy to explain a parent being gone for a normal day at work when you aren’t explaining to a toddler that when he says goodbye to hug tight because he isn’t going to see daddy for a long while.
It’s easy to get irritated when you call your spouse and they don’t answer when you don’t know what it’s like to not be able to just pick up the phone and hear their voice.
It’s easy to say we chose this life when you have never walked a day in our shoes. Or understand that our soldiers sacrifice a warm bed, everyday life, and milestones in our children’s life so that the general population can have those every day moments with their families.

To breastfeed or not to breastfeed

We are currently in world breastfeeding week.  To an extent, I dread it.  It's not that I have an issue with nursing your child, because it's actually quite the opposite.  It's more of seeing the pictures pop up of women nursing their children brings up bad feelings. 

I nursed my oldest until he was a little over six months old and the first few times I gave him formula, I cried.  I felt like I was failing him, I felt guilty because the reason for transitioning him was because of me, not him.  The wear and tear a perfectly healthy body takes during a pregnancy, delivery and within that first year after a child is delivered is painful and exhausting.  Then if you factor in a pre-existing back injury and severe issues with migraines and vision loss, you have a bad equation.

Both of my boys were worth every last minute of that pain, but that doesn't negate that I'm constantly in pain.  By the time my oldest was six months old, the back pain and migraines had elevated so severely that I was having regular blackout spells and issues functioning on daily tasks.  After seeing the required specialists, they gave me an option - either I continued nursing my son and that was pretty much all I was going to be able to do for him OR I started taking the necessary pain medicine to control the pain to where I could be part of everything else in his life. 

I still continued trying to a while and the issues continued to get worse, then finally that day came that I popped open that container and mixed the powder and water together.  As I sat there rocking him and watching his suck on the bottle, tears started to flow.  I felt like I shouldn't be so selfish, like I should try to just deal with the pain to give him that little boost.  After a long round discussion with my husband and a lot of tears, we finally decided that this was the best route to go.  So I started the pain meds and the pain started subsiding, but each time I filled up that bottle, those feelings resurfaced and I struggled with not putting the meds back up in the cabinet and leaving them there.

When my oldest was just under 18 months old, my youngest was born.  Once again with a lot of stubbornness and determination, I decided I was going to breastfeed him until he was at least as old as my oldest had been when I had stopped nursing. 

Then life kicked in.  My back was in much worse shape then it had been after my first pregnancy, I had barely pushed through the pregnancy itself and now was struggling through daily tasks again.  Then before he was in a week old, mastitis kicked in and I was sitting in the ER in so much pain.  My little guy wasn't getting enough milk while the infection cleared up and formula came into play.  After that had cleared up, we battled two rounds of thrush.

Each hurdle caused decreases in milk production.  Every day, the pain increased and I came back to the same decision I was faced with for my oldest.  After a lot of talking with my husband, he gave me the support I needed to come to terms with a decision I was having trouble making, once again.  Now I have an almost two year old and a five month old, one started on formula at six months, one was just a little over a week old before it was introduced. 

As I look back, I still get emotional about going the route I went, but I know that I have been able to be more a part of their lives than I would have if I had gone the other route.  I still know that breast is best, but sometimes another route is taken for very valid reasons that may not be known to every person that sees them pouring that powder for their child.  It was hard enough for me to deal with the decision and the route I took, without constantly feeling like there is judgement from others.

I guess the reason I'm sharing all of this is because I support those that are able to breastfeed, but please don't think less of me as a mother because I've shifted to the formula route, because for us it was the best route.

The other side

Deployments sucks, there's no doubt about it.  It sucks for the service member and it sucks for the family in the rear.   Both my husband and I have both been deployed twice before and we both remember getting on the bus to head to the plane on both ends.  On one end, you are nervous, but ready to just get there and get started in your job to make the time go by more quickly.  Then the time comes that your replacements show up and you start the process of showing them the ropes. 

Both times, for me, I was focused on the suck of it.  The fact that I was leaving again.  It doesn't matter that this is the life we chose, it still has moments that just plain aren't the highlight of it.  The thing I hadn't thought about was the other side.  Just was much as we looked forward to the time when our replacements came so we could go home, the families that were waiting for us to come home were as well. 

I don't think I realized that as much until I watched my husband say goodbye to our boys again.  And honestly, when you are enduring that hurt, it's hard to think outside of your little bubble at that moment in time.  But then it hit me, down the road when it's time for him to come home, we will be so excited.  There will be banners made and homecoming shirts ordered, the house will get a good final scrubbing and the puppy will get a bath.  We will all load up and drive to the ceremony and rush into our soldier's arms and our family will be whole again. 

Our time is down the road for that, but for another family when my husband hit the ground there, another soldier was packing his bags and looking at that picture that has been hanging up of his family one last time before packing it away.  In a few short days, that soldier will no longer need that picture because he will be running into his family's arms and their little family will be whole again. 

So while that doesn't fix the hole in our hearts while our soldier has to be gone, today was a little easier thinking through it that way.  And when our soldier is backing away our picture, I will make sure to say a prayer for that family that is saying 'see you soon' so we can be whole again. 

Kansas sucks...

Kansas sucks.  I have heard this more times than I can count.  As military service members and spouses, we often follow where the Army sends us.  This may end up with a less-than-stellar location.  One thing I have learned though is that locations are all about what you make of it. 

Sure, Kansas sucks, if you don't like being outside, if you don't like history, if you don't like nature, if you don't appreciate the appeal of a small town.  No different than Hawaii sucks if you don't like being outside, if you don't like surfing, if you don't like sunshine, if you don't like the beach.  It's all a matter of taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture. 

When we were in Germany and even since then, I've had so many people that talked about how lucky we were to be stationed there.  I loved our time there, BUT there are cons in being stationed in places like that as well.  We had the opportunity to see places that we probably would have never been able to otherwise.  We were able to actually live in another culture, not just visit it.  However, roughly 95% of my medical appointments required specialists - the nearest of which were two and a half hours ago, on the Autobahn, so that would equate to closer to a four hour drive here in the States.  Wearing anything with the American Flag on it were frowned upon because you made yourself a target to those that weren't a fan of American's.  There are many other things I could list, but I will stop there. 

I'm not trying to focus on the negative, that's not my point here.  My point is that every location and I mean EVERY location, has good and bad depending on your personal interest and experiences.  The key to enjoying your time is to do some research, find things off the beaten path.  Everyone knows where the mall is or the zoo, but what about the other places to see.  I make a point to follow as many of the small towns in the area on places like Facebook or Twitter.  They are always posting pictures of places within their area that most people don't know about or they post about events going on. 

You have to make a conscious effort to make the most of the situation.  I know with my boys that their take on places and situations is found much in the way my husband and I respond.  If we find a better way to view things, our children will too. 

On that note, for those that are in Kansas, these are a couple lists of both events and places to see within roughly an hour from the Fort Riley area and the Wichita area :

Events: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1L3S-3rNzNRPXVc7rd2WqIS0qI1sz0wn87FieFzvCoSE/edit?usp=sharing
Places to see:  https://docs.google.com/document/d/15Ai8bjU34UuYhN2aAILFnldgvo1it6XrvgQTqUCHLwk/edit?usp=sharing

Please note - these docs are a work in progress - if you know of something going on that isn't listed here or something to see, please comment below or email me at mindy.k.king10@gmail.com

A very special project

One thing I have learned along the way is that every veteran has a story to tell.  It doesn't matter what branch they served in or what era, whether they saw combat or not - there is always a story. 

Over the past few years, during my time in the Army I became involved in the American Legion and then after my first deployment, the VFW.  I've heard many stories of some of the older veterans, most are the funny kind of the 'you won't believe what this guy did' type of story.  The occasional chance that you hear a war story from one of the more seasoned generations, it's the time to really sit down and listen. 

Veterans of our past are a walking part of history, they have seen things and know stories that you will never find in any history book.  They have witnessed a true spectrum of emotions that no one else could ever imagine.  Many of them have carried that weight of those emotions for years and for many, it has been carried to the grave.  Once that happens, that part of history remains forever unknown and becomes forgotten at the moment of that last breathe.

I know I have been guilty of this in the past...  my grandfather was a career service member with a total of 21 years between the Navy and Air Force.  With the exception of the summarized final retirement papers, I know nothing about his history.  My mom was so young when he was in the service, that she doesn't remember much besides a couple short years in Japan, which for the most part is a blur.  That is history we can't get back.  I can't google it or go to the library and look it up - it's just simply gone. 

This has prompted something in me....  something I want to preserve.  Over the next few months, I'm going to be working on a project that will hopefully capture some of this history - so when these veteran's families look back, they don't regret what they don't know...

My future son

The past is ever present on days like today, as we pause to remember those fallen service members.  Tonight I also saw a flash into the future.  My oldest son is 20 months old and he was out helping his daddy in the garage work on the blazer he drove to high school. 

As he was standing up behind the steering wheel, he reached out and asked for the football that was sitting on the floor in the garage.  I handed it to him and he took it and put it on the dash of the blazer.  I had just been talking to my husband about talking the blazer out and getting some pictures of our boys and him before he deploys and that had given me an idea.  One of the pictures I want to take is my oldest standing next to the blazer holding a football, then down the road when he is in high school if he ends up playing football, I want to do the same picture. 

I came inside and began thinking more about this flash forward.  I told my mom about it and she said the same had happened from time to time when my sister and I were growing up.  She talked about how it pulls at the heartstrings... and it does.  For a moment, my heart ached as I knew my boys are already growing up too fast. 

Then I thought further about it...  one of the things that has always been in the back of my mind with my boys growing up around the military is the possibility of them taking that route and how much that scares me.  But it was a fear that both my family and my husband's family faced a number of years back when we had each enlisted and again faced each time we deployed. 

I began to imagine the mothers of the fallen...  how they had felt when they were watching their children grow up, whether they saw them growing old or having children, or whether they had pictured them in uniform.  When I have talked to Gold Star Mothers in the past, some mentioned that being in the service was all their child ever wanted, others said it was something they never expected.  When you talk to most of them, their favorite stories they share are the ones of their young child, when innocence was at it's best and the simple things in life were the best. 

Before I became a mommy, I still couldn't imagine losing a child to a war.  Now that I am a mommy to two amazing boys, I can't imagine losing my children to anything.  Today, after this vision of my future son, my heart aches more than it normally does for those mothers who have lost their child. 

Soldier vs. Spouse?

Soldier or spouse, who has it harder?  This is a question I have been asked many times and it never gets any easier to answer.  Before I was a spouse, I would have said soldier in a heartbeat, but that was simply because I didn't know.  Now that I have been on both sides, I honestly have to say it's like trying to compare apples and oranges. 

The soldier has the benefit of knowing what is going on.  When there is a comms blackout, they know whether they are fine or not.  They control much of communications, at least on the electronics side of things.  They often have the bonus of losing track of what day it is and stay busy enough that time moves by relatively quickly.  BUT...  depending on what their job is, they may have to deal with horrible scenes that most would not even want to imagine, they deal with losing their battle buddies and with missing out on everything going on at home.  I know when I was deployed, I maybe called home once a month.  I didn't want to know what I was missing out on.  When you add children to the mix of that, you have many service members that miss the birth, first steps, first words, birthdays, holidays and other important events that you can never get back - that can be a very hard pill to swallow.

On the other side of the house - the spouse.  The spouse has the benefit of normalcy.  I know that's hard to say since nothing is normal when our soldiers are gone, but we still have the benefit of our own bed, a shower every day, jumping in the car and going and grabbing something if we need it.  We also get to see the daily growth and interactions of our children.  We don't miss the birthdays and holidays, the special events and first words.  BUT... we live in a day to day countdown.  Our days often times move more slowly than theirs do as when we lay down for bed, the lack of their presence is made so much more obvious by the empty space in our bed.  When something is reported in the area where we know there is a good possibility they are, we hold our breath and try to stay busy until we know that 'notification timeframe' has passed.  We wait anxiously for the next call or letter.  We stay busy with other things, but the waiting is still there in the back of our minds. 

You see, the soldier and the spouse, even though we share the same family and share a life together, still have two completely separate paths.  One is that of the soldier who goes out on the adventures the military sends them on, but many times don't return whole whether physically, mentally or both.  The other is that of the spouse, the one who may never have a complete understanding of where their soldier has been or what they have seen, but takes their spouse as they are and moves forward on their path. 

Each side is a hero in their own right, each side makes sacrifices and each side shares a pride in their service to their country - whether in uniform or by loving someone in uniform.

Problem soldier

I hadn't even been an NCO a month when I found myself in the commander's office.

Earlier that morning, my squad leader approached me because two of the junior enlisted soldiers were scheduled to have their article 15 read to them and their NCOs weren't available to provide a 'defense' statement for them.  He asked me if I would be willing to go in and speak with the commander.  Knowing both the soldiers and had worked with them, I knew the reason they were in trouble was not necessarily out of character for them, but a little more severe than their normal antics. 

 While in Al Asad, Iraq, he completed the Marine Corps
Corporals Course

While out one weekend, they had found themselves in a fight with soldiers from another battalion.  When it was all said and done, the other five soldiers ended up in the hospital and they weren't much worse for the wear.  The soldiers were sorry though and they were good soldiers who had done something that most young soldiers will do at some point in time, they made a mistake.

As I'm standing there in the commander's office and I listen to someone who barely knows these soldiers names try to explain to the commander that they are nothing but trouble makers and deserve to be punished to the full extent, my 'fear' of the position I was in disappeared and my anger over this individuals lack of leadership kicked in.  After listening to what he had to say, I respectfully told him he didn't know what he was talking about and explained to the commander my first hand daily interactions with the soldiers.  After I had said my part, I was told my portion was done and I was free to go. 

A little while later on the hangar floor, I was tackled by those two soldiers.  Apparently, the commander had intended on punishing them to the max extent, which was a possible field grade, but after hearing what I had said about the soldiers, he changed his mind.  The soldiers still found themselves on extra duty for quite a while, but they had learned their lesson.

In this situation, I had learned something extremely important about leadership as well.  The soldiers simply needed someone who trusted and believed in them.  From that day forward, neither of those soldiers ever got in trouble again. 

Over the course of the last few years, I have kept in touch with one of these soldiers.  Although I still see that young, immature soldier in him - the changes in him have been completely amazing.  We deployed together and when I found out I was leaving to head back early, he was there with a positive word and a hug to send me back with. 

When the unit returned from deployment, I witnessed the changes that a deployment as a MEDEVAC crew chief can cause in soldiers.  I witnessed, through pictures, his wedding to a fellow soldier.  Then a little less than a year later, they welcomed their first child.  Both his wife and him has since left the service, but they have continued to grow.  He has become a real estate agent, she is going to school and they are expecting their second child any day now.  Even though he is less than ten years younger than me, he seems like one of my kids and I couldn't be more proud of the person he has become!

This entry is written by a wonderful lady, who contacted me recently about collaborating on a blog.  Please take a moment to read and share as you see fit:

How to Defeat the Myths That Hinder Your Job Search

 

Few people enjoy looking for a new job, and the prospect of transitioning from a military career to a civilian one can be overwhelming to think about. Even if you’re excited about the possibility of change, the reality of it, couples with common myths, can bring some fear with it. The broad range of myths that serve to discourage or mislead job seekers can make things seem even more daunting than they really are. So, what should you do?

 

First, let’s take a look at a few of those myths and learn how to debunk them with their actual truths!

 

Myth #1: Time in active duty or time spent recovery from combat injuries will hurt my ability to find a job with companies that are looking for “consistent” employees.

Truth: There is no reason for potential employers to think that your military service will limit your ability to show up for work, and companies are actually prevented by law from actively discriminating against veterans. In fact, some laws actually provide benefits to companies who employ veterans with certain qualifications or who became disabled during their service time.

 

Myth #2: Most potential employers don’t care about applicants.

Truth: Today’s companies understand the fierce competition in the marketplace, and they want to hire top talent. Many companies will make accommodations to ensure that top job candidates do not fall through the cracks. Some companies offer the option of working from home. Other tech-savvy Fortune-500 companies, such as GM and AT&T, work with JIBE, a company specializing in mobile recruiting, to supply handy online application services to help potential employees upload their résumés easily from computers, tablets or smart phones.

 

Myth #3: You’ll get a good job more quickly by applying to as many jobs as possible.

Truth: Not every job is well suited to you, and applying to a bunch of jobs without researching positions and companies can be more of a waste of time than actually helping you. Instead of apply for every job opening you find, take the time to choose jobs you think would be a great fit for you. Look for jobs you would enjoy and companies whose practices you respect. Then spend time crafting your resume, learning more about these jobs, and preparing yourself for getting the job you want with an employer who will value what you bring to the company.

 

Myth #4: No companies specifically seek to hire military veterans.

Truth: Actually, many companies seek to hire military veterans, and government incentive programs for the employment of veterans is helping to grow the number of employers who fall into this category. For assistance in finding companies who are looking for military veterans, go to VeteranJobListings.com.

 

Yes, changes can be challenging. When transitioning from military duty to civilian life, it may take time to find the job that is right for you. Along the way, however, you will find resources to help you. As you debunk the myths about job searching, you’ll find the process to be much easier than you might have imagined, and an opportunity to chase a dream you always wished you could fulfill!

 

Emma is a mid 20-something year old with a passion for life, love, fitness, and helping others. She loves to be active and get involved in as many sport and community activities as possible. Emma is currently studying to become a Career & Life Coach, and loves to network with people from around the world! Check out Emma’s blog at http://smileasithappens.blogspot.com/! 

Deployments change you

Deployments change you... no matter what you experience during the deployment. 

Recently, I was looking through pictures and I came across a picture of my cousin and I.  Our units were in Kuwait at the same time waiting to move forward to Iraq.  He was a young PFC and I was a newly promoted SPC.  As we stood outside the DFAC in Kuwait, there were big smiles in the picture, happy to have family 'close' by.  In a few short days, his unit would move forward to a FOB just south of Baghdad.  A few days after that, I would move forward with my unit to a FOB north of Baghdad.  Neither of us really knew what the next fifteen months was going to bring. 

Shortly after arriving in Iraq, I started receiving letters from my cousin.  We began communicating back and forth through letters and soon those became a very important outlet for both of us.  Over the course of our letters, you could see the change.  They had started out as just a 'how are you doing?' type of check in.  As time went on, they became very blunt, to the point and unedited on what was going on, things that had been seen and the struggles sometimes raging within.

During the first eight months, as he had gone out on multiple patrols, there had been IEDs and he had found himself in the back of a MEDEVAC helicopter more than once.  As a blackhawk doorgunner, my love for the aircraft was already there, but it was in that time that my love for the MEDEVAC mission developed.  After his third flight, my unit gave me a day off to go and visit him.  That in itself was a God send for him, for me and for our families back home. 

For a soldier, it's easy to hide from family how they are really are, especially when they are in a deployed location.  We don't want our families worrying more than they already are.  For them, seeing pictures of us together with smiles on our faces again made all the difference. 

Over the course of the last seven months of deployment, we would have the opportunity to travel back and forth to visit each other a few more times.  Each of those visits were a change to sit back and relax for a few minutes despite everything going on around us. 

About a month after redeploying, we had a chance to visit each other once again.  We were both very different people than we had been before that deployment.  Although prior to our pre-deployment leave, it had been since we were little kids that we had seen each other, over those fifteen months we had been a lifeline for each other. 

We still live in two different states, are both our of the military after going through Medical Evaluations Boards.  We are both married, him with one little boy and I now have two little boys.  It's been a couple years since we have seen each other, but the bond that we forged in those months is something that will never go away.  That bond that someone else has an understanding of the path we have walked in some of the more difficult times of our lives. 

When I was a 'new' spouse

A few minutes ago, I read a blog about understanding how a military wife couldn't love their husband.  It was written based on a comment written in by a young military wife who talked had witnessed what was viewed at military wives not loving their husbands because of how they acted after their spouse left.  She made reference to the trips, activities and just in general 'planning' for when their spouse was gone. 

I remember that point in not understanding.  Mine came in a different point than most though.  Mine came about four months into the last deployment because I found myself in a world I had no idea about, a world I had kept my distance from.  Even though I was a military spouse, I was also a soldier.  Even though we had been through more than our fair share of separations, when he was gone I had my own mission to focus on, so I had never really considered myself an Army Wife.  Then all of that changed.  I found myself on the rear detachment as both the rear D First Sergeant and the FRL (Family Readiness Liaison).  It was my job to ensure the welfare of the few soldiers we had on the rear detachment, but I also became the direct link between the spouses and the forward chain of command for anything military they needed taken care of. 

For the first few weeks in the rear, I went to work and went home.  I didn't do anything outside of what needed to be done.  I did grocery shopping, I took care of my soldiers and I stayed home.  Those first few weeks were extremely long.  One of the soldiers I had been deployed with had told his wife that I was coming back and asked her to get in touch with me.  When she first called me and asked me to go along on a shopping trip to the big PX and commissary (we were stationed on a very small post in Germany at the time), I was hesitant.  I was different from these other ladies, what was I going to talk about, what would I have in common with them...  But out of need of getting out of our small apartment, I agreed to go. 

That short day trip was an eye opener.  We spent the day talking about what we had heard from our husbands, talking about upcoming plans, etc.  As I listened to them talk about plans they had, I couldn't help by feel guilty over even considering to do any of these without my husband.  Sure, we did A LOT of things apart, but when we had first moved to Germany, I had always thought all of our travelling would be done together.

A little over a month later, a trip to London came up.  I wanted to go so badly, but I was wrestling with the guilt of going without my husband.  What if when he got back, it was a trip we never had a chance to take together, what if, what if, what if.  When I first mentioned it to him, it was like I was trying to tell him the most horrible news.  His response was, 'Go, have fun, take pictures.'  I didn't know what to think.  After one of the other spouses I met that first day decided to go, I decided to give it a chance.  So I went. 

When I got back, the feelings of guilt were still there, but I had fun.  Since I had shared a room with this spouse I had just met, we had the chance to get to know each other better and we ended up becoming very close friends.  It still took me a little bit to understand that this trip, heck, just making plans when your soldier is gone is okay.  It's not leaving them out of your life, it's simply continuing to live when they are gone. 

Over the course of the next eight months, that trip to London became the start.  After much debate, my husband bought a plane ticket home for me for Christmas.  He didn't want me to be alone in Germany on Christmas since I had only been back less than two months.  So with the guilt heavy and fresh again, I went home for a few weeks.  After arriving back in Germany, I was thankful for that trip home.  The aunt had passed away the night before I had flown home, so I was able to be there when she was laid to rest.  I spent much needed time with my family, time that for once wasn't leading up to a deployment. 

Later in January, the ladies were going to Ikea and invited me along, this time I didn't hesitate, I went.  Then a trip to Budapest was presented, after a little consideration, I went.  I went, I had fun and I took lots of pictures. 

After redeployment, some of that guilt over going places resurfaced.  I felt like I had omitted him from that part of my life.  We talked about it and he honestly was thankful for those trips, he was thankful for me getting out of the house. 

He knew my transition was very difficult on me, so he was thankful for the distraction of going places and he was thankful for these ladies who helped me see that it's okay.  It's okay to take that trip or make those plans.  It's okay to have a life when they aren't here.  These isn't a moment that goes by that I don't wish my husband was there to share in whatever event it taking place for the day, but I also realize that I can't spend my life sitting at home waiting for him to come home.  No different than he is experiencing new and different things on a regular basis (in a very different capacity), I need to do the same thing. 

So as this next deployment is on the horizon, I'm making plans now.  I'm looking up activities to take our boys to, things they will enjoy, something to focus on besides the fact that our soldier is gone at the moment.  After all, whether we choose to take advantage or whether we stay locked up in our homes, each day is still going to pass and if we can make that time until they come home go quicker by enjoying it, then why not...so 'Go. Have fun. Take pictures.'