Those first few days

Reintegration is more than just the Army mandated period before a soldier goes on post deployment leave.  It is also a reintegration period for the soldier and their family.  Whether a soldier has been gone a month or year, things change while they are gone.

Even having gone through redeployment myself, I still found myself struggling on some days right after my husband redeployed from Afghanistan.  While he had been gone my daily routine had changed, I wasn't as concerned about having 'dinner on the table' and often times dinner consisted of popcorn or something else that could easily be thrown in the microwave.  My evenings consisted of homework, reading or watching a new favorite show.  My weekends were taken up with trips to IKEA or the big PX in Grafenwohr or spending time on whatever I wanted to do.

When my husband came back, for the first couple of days everything was great - we were back in that honeymoon period that always comes after a deployment or separation.  Then reality set in.  Everything my husband had pushed to the back of his mind during the deployment was starting to come to the surface as he now had the downtime to start really thinking.  For me, I was so happy to have him home, but I felt like someone was invading my space.  It seemed like every little thing we did was frustrating from watching a TV show to deciding what we were going to have for dinner.  We were in a struggle and didn't even know it.  I was in a struggle to let someone back into a space that had become my 'domain' for the last almost year and he was in a struggle because he was trying to adapt to not being deployed and also not knowing where he belonged. 

It's easy when a spouse first comes home to want to be right next to them all the time or to be the complete opposite and feel smothered by that person.  Trust me, each person in the relationship is struggling with the same thing, often times it is just hard to vocalize those feelings without feelings like you aren't pushing the other person away.  We both had to take a step back and look at each other's side.  Once we were able to do that, each day was a little bit easier and it became easier to voice the feelings we were each having and start working towards feeling comfortable together.