School is one of those things that I figured by the time I reached 30 I would be done with, but here I am a few months after hitting that milestone and yesterday school started again. I debated long and hard before I decided to go back to school again, but ultimately it is the only way for me to do what I want to in the future.
As opposed to previous times I have been in school, I have a new challenge this time and that is working my school schedule where it is taking as little time away from my son as possible.
A few years back when I started with my last school, it was more for long term future purposes as I had planned on being in the Army for a career. Just a month after I started, that plan was quickly shattered. My back and migranes had been getting progressively worse and my commander has sent me to the doctor. In a short visit with the doctor and him reviewing my medical records and I walked out of the office with a Permenent level 3 (P3) profile, which automatically flags you for the start of a medical evaluation board (MEB). Based on what the doctor told me that day, it was more likely than not that I would be out of the Army by the same time the following year. I was crushed, angry, frustrated, etc, etc.
Within a little over a month, my intial processing for my MEB had started as well as my soldiers and husband had returned from Afghanistan. I watched as many of my soldiers struggled with some of the things they had seen or been a part of, but they didn't really feel comfortable talking with many of the individuals at the mental health clinic available. After many conversations, I learned of some of the issues they were having - the angry, the nightmares, all the standard traits of post traumatic experiences. I suddenly felt a rush of guilt since I had been evaced back I was seen by a psychologist at Landstuhl instead of locally and she was prior service, had deployed and had been medically retired. The soldiers didn't feel like there was anyone available locally who could relate to what they had been there, so they bottled it up. I did the best I could by opening up about the issues I had and was continuing to have and over a little bit of time, many of them started talking as least a little bit. That didn't keep many of them from still spiraling down.
By the time I really started seeing this aftermath, it had been determined that I was going to be seperated from the Army for medically reasons. My thoughts shifted to changing my path from career soldier to finding another way I could help soldiers and becoming a counselor became my new path. The biggest challenge my soldiers and even my husband had was making an appointment with someone they felt like were going to judge them for the way they view things or how they felt about certain topics.
Although, I know this course work is going to be a little more extensive than past school work, in the end I know it will all be worth it. I have been where they have been, I wear that PTSD diagnosis and the misconceptions that come with it, I have walked the ground in a combat zone and even though I can no longer where the uniform - I can still continue serving.
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