So some days are better than others... I think that is a statement that almost anyone in or around the military can relate to. Just like with everything else, I have good days and I have bad days. Days that I'm in a lot of pain and days that it is managable, days that I'm overly paranoid and days that nothing seems to bother me.
This time of year things are a little different. Fireworks used to be one of my favorite things. Our family ran a fireworks tent every year, I can't remember a year growing up that we weren't either at the tent or watching fireworks.
Last year, we arrived back to the States in June after being overseas for the previous five 4th of Julys. I felt like I was in culture shock... you see, the last time I had been home for a 4th of July was prior to my first deployment. Prior to the anxiety and being paranoid. Prior to PTSD.
I heard the fireworks going off throughout the week leading up to the 4th, but most of them were far enough away not to bother me. My parents, husband and I hit the fireworks stands and we were all excited to get some stuff to shoot off, afterall we had five years to make up for. The night of the 4th we went out to my cousin's house and even though I could see where everything was coming from, I still felt like the cat hanging from the ceiling after someone had spooked it.
Shortly after the 4th was when we moved into our new house, in the short months before our son was born we were frantically unpacking. Then our son arrived and life became even busier than before and the thoughts of the 4th drifted away.
Until last night....
I heard what sounded like someone banging on one of the doors downstairs trying to get into our basement. I started panicking and I was quickly armed, pistol in one hand and my phone in the other. I called my mom and asked her to stay on the phone with me until I checked everything out. As I checked each room and saw nothing was wrong, I quickly moved on to the next room. When I finally moved downstairs, I could feel my body tensing up, but I was ready for what, if anything, I would find.
After everything checked out and I was heading back upstairs, my mom brought up fireworks... I hadn't even thought about it being that time of year until that moment. A little while later, I heard the same noises again and as I listened intently, I realized that it was fireworks....
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