Saying good-bye

The day I was heading back to Germany was the same day that the bulk of our company was leaving Iraq for Afghanistan.  Since my flight wasn't scheduled until that evening, I went down to the flight line to see them off.  As we stood there going through the general process of 'moving', I watched the soldiers get all their bags loaded on the pallets.  My husband and I took a couple pics together and in true fashion for him - most of them were a little goofy.  Finally that time came...

Since I had deployed with my husband we hadn't done the official 'see you later' like most of the families had.  Even though we had been in different locations the majority of the time we were deployed, we still were able to see each other from time to time...all that was changing now.  I was being sent back to Germany to start treatment on my back and for a head injury, my soldiers and my husband were leaving to Afghanistan. 

I walked around the little terminal they had there and said bye to each of my soldiers, wished them luck and reminded them that if they wanted or needed anything to let me know. When I got to my husband, I tried my best to choke back the tears that wanted to fall.  I have a little different perspective than most get into the true picture of deployments or even the daily tasks of their service member, as I have been there, but I am also had the same job speciality as my husband - so I know exactly what his job entails and the dangers associated.

I left as they were called to start boarding.  I stood there for a minute and watched them all walk away.  When I was out of sight, the tears started.  In that instant, there was a feeling of failure - I had let my soldiers down by not being there with them like I had told them I would be prior to deploying, I was letting the families of those soldiers that I had met down as I had promised I would watch after their child and I wasn't going to be there for my husband...  Even though I had fought to stay with the unit to move on to Afghanistan and the unit leadership and doctors were the ones that decided otherwise, I still felt like this was on me. 

As I started to head back to camp, there was no other spouses to 'be' in that moment with me and understand what I was going through.  I felt completely alone...  That feeling was doubled when the reality sunk in that I was heading back amongst our unit's spouses - of which, I knew not one.  Everyone I knew was moving on to Afghanistan. 

A handful of soldiers remained at the camp to finish up the last minute details or those that were getting ready to go on midtour.  I took my time getting back so I would ensure my face didn't show the aching that I was feeling.

That night I said another round of good-byes to the soldiers that were still there and then I was taken to the TMC to get ready for my flight back to Landstuhl. 

Pictures at the terminal:

 The one picture I got my husband to actually not make a silly face for.