Soldier vs. Spouse?

Soldier or spouse, who has it harder?  This is a question I have been asked many times and it never gets any easier to answer.  Before I was a spouse, I would have said soldier in a heartbeat, but that was simply because I didn't know.  Now that I have been on both sides, I honestly have to say it's like trying to compare apples and oranges. 

The soldier has the benefit of knowing what is going on.  When there is a comms blackout, they know whether they are fine or not.  They control much of communications, at least on the electronics side of things.  They often have the bonus of losing track of what day it is and stay busy enough that time moves by relatively quickly.  BUT...  depending on what their job is, they may have to deal with horrible scenes that most would not even want to imagine, they deal with losing their battle buddies and with missing out on everything going on at home.  I know when I was deployed, I maybe called home once a month.  I didn't want to know what I was missing out on.  When you add children to the mix of that, you have many service members that miss the birth, first steps, first words, birthdays, holidays and other important events that you can never get back - that can be a very hard pill to swallow.

On the other side of the house - the spouse.  The spouse has the benefit of normalcy.  I know that's hard to say since nothing is normal when our soldiers are gone, but we still have the benefit of our own bed, a shower every day, jumping in the car and going and grabbing something if we need it.  We also get to see the daily growth and interactions of our children.  We don't miss the birthdays and holidays, the special events and first words.  BUT... we live in a day to day countdown.  Our days often times move more slowly than theirs do as when we lay down for bed, the lack of their presence is made so much more obvious by the empty space in our bed.  When something is reported in the area where we know there is a good possibility they are, we hold our breath and try to stay busy until we know that 'notification timeframe' has passed.  We wait anxiously for the next call or letter.  We stay busy with other things, but the waiting is still there in the back of our minds. 

You see, the soldier and the spouse, even though we share the same family and share a life together, still have two completely separate paths.  One is that of the soldier who goes out on the adventures the military sends them on, but many times don't return whole whether physically, mentally or both.  The other is that of the spouse, the one who may never have a complete understanding of where their soldier has been or what they have seen, but takes their spouse as they are and moves forward on their path. 

Each side is a hero in their own right, each side makes sacrifices and each side shares a pride in their service to their country - whether in uniform or by loving someone in uniform.