Strength

Recently, I had someone tell me that they didn't think they would have the strength to be a military spouse.  My response was that sometimes you just never know the strength you have until it is put to the test.  Before I had to question my ability to be an Army wife, I had to question my ability to be a soldier.  When I first thought about joining the military, I wasn't sure how everything was going to go.  I was nervous about making it through basic training, but I was also worried about smaller aspects of it like passing my APFT (Army Physical Fitness Test) or making it through the gas chamber.  When I first arrived at reception at Fort Jackson, I was issued all the standard initial issue and began getting adjusted to the fact that my life was not my own anymore - I was now a last name and a serial number.  I was property of the United States Government. 

There was a lot of times through training - basic, AIT and even our pre-deployment training that I thought 'what did I get myself into?'.  But then you complete the training and you move on to the next challenge.  During those first few weeks of basic, I still didn't think I would finish - the same is true when deployment came around, but the military gives you all the training you need, and from there you often find something within yourself that helps you overcome the challenges along the way.  Don't get me wrong, not everyone belongs or will make it in the military...  I watched many individuals fall out of the ranks before the end of basic and even more fall out during AIT.  This is why the DS constantly tell new recruits that they aren't soldiers until they finish their initial training.

This same rings true on the spouse side.  I have been married to a soldier for almost four years now, but I don't consider myself being a full-fledged Army wife until I got out of the Army a year ago.  I think there are different reasons for that, but mostly because I was still a soldier and I had a different mindset than I did once I got out.  Being an Army wife or just any military life is something that will never be fully understood unless you have stood in the silent ranks.  This 'job' requires being called a dependent while knowing that you are some of the most independent people.  Military wives maintain jobs while going to school and raising children on their own for a year or more at a time - all while worrying about how their husband is doing, but not letting their children, families or husbands know they are worrying.  And it never fails that the second he leaves, whether for a couple days or for a year, that something goes wrong.  The majority of the wives that I have encountered during my time in have more strength than I can put into words.  They hold a household together, often in foreign countries, far from family and friends. 

Bottom line, strength is something that most people discount themselves on.  I know I did on both being a soldier and being a spouse and there are still times that I do, but at the end of the day I look back and often surprise myself on what I am capable of.  I think if more individuals allowed themselves to fail from time to time - they may also find themselves more challenged and stronger than what they could have ever realized.