A piece missing

There are days I struggle.  I miss being a soldier.  I miss having soldiers to work with and I even miss the deployments.

When my medical retirement officially came down, I struggled.  It was not on my terms, it was not on my planned time.

There have been days that I don't feel like I'm accomplishing the same things I was before.  Most of my days are spent taking care of my two little boys and keeping the household running.  I know this is some of the most important work I will ever do, however, there is still a piece missing.  Then from time to time, that piece reappears.

It appears in the form of a former soldier contacting me needing help with something or a spouse who is dealing with some stuff with their service member that they just need someone to listen.  Something directed that individual, some of which I have never met in person, to click that send button.  Although at the end of many of the conversations, there is thanks for listening or for helping them look up a regulation, the thanks is really coming from my end.  For that moment in time, the soldier is me resurfaces and I'm a different person.

To be honest, I think this has helped me deal more with the abrupt end to my planned career and other issues that had come along the way than any counselor or book every could.

So to those who thought I may have been helping them out in some way, shape or form… please know that you have helped me more than you will ever know.

What the years have brought

At the recruiters station with my family

Nine years ago today, I did one of the most difficult things I have done.  I met back at the recruiters station and loaded a van to head to MEPs.  From there I would fly to Fort Jackson, South Carolina to begin basic training.  Just two days into the Army would be my first holiday away from my family.  That first Thanksgiving would be an uneventful day waiting in reception for the inprocessing to finish to actually be transferred to my training unit.  Our required uniform was the old marshmallow PT suit.  As I look back at that first holiday and the fear I had in the decision I had made, I also look at the years in between.  They have taken me on some crazy adventures and I have met some of the most wonderful people.  Without going into too much detail, here is a quick 'snapshot' of those nine years.


Eight years ago, I spent Thanksgiving at Fort Rucker, Alabama.  The day before I had found out that I had finally received my security clearance and would soon receive my orders for my first duty station.  A couple of other soldiers and I spent the morning serving lunch at the homeless shelter and then went to Cracker Barrel for dinner.

Seven years ago was my first Thanksgiving deployed.  We were lucky where we were to have a nice DFAC, but it still was hard being away from home.  There was some comfort in knowing that I did have family close at hand with my cousin being on the other side of Baghdad.

Six years ago was my second straight Thanksgiving deployed.  This time the essence of the second straight deployed holiday was highlighted by the reporter who felt the need to walk around and ask how we felt about the deployment being extended and that it was extended through a second set of holidays.


Five years ago, was spent in WLC in Grafenwohr, Germany.  My husband was able to come visit me, but we had very limited visitation hours.

Four years ago, I had just returned from deployment early and my husband was in Afghanistan.  I spent the day actually feeling like a spouse as opposed to another soldier.  I was immersed in the world of spouses in the rear and most of us sat down and shared our meal together at the DFAC.  That evening, a fellow spouse and I boarded a bus for a very long trip to London.  

Three years ago, was a rough time....  My husband had returned from deployment a few months before and then had been sent TDY.  We were going through a lot of stuff with post deployment challenges and then I had just officially signed out of the Army after being medically retired.  Within a couple months we would find out that our first child was on the way.

Two years ago, we had just moved back to the states, our son was just a couple months old, we had bought our first house and for the first time since before I joined the Army, we spent Thanksgiving with my family.  

One year ago, we were expecting our second son.  My husband had just finished top in his class at ALC and a few days after Thanksgiving he headed to Colorado for training.

This year our family is spending separated.  My husband is on his third deployment.  As I look back on all these years, there have been some years that were challenging, some that were heartbreaking, some that brought happiness and some that just were.  The bottom line is that, even though there are days that I hate the pain that has resulted from my time in the Army, the rest of it, I wouldn't give up for anything.  It's given me the opportunity to do things I never would have done otherwise, to meet people I never would have otherwise, to see places I never would have had the opportunity to travel to and it was where I met my amazing husband.  That decision was one of the best decisions I have ever made.